“We are not re-living the past!” her narcissistic father shouted. His pain is profound. Sitting before me, his face is a mixture of sadness and anger, despair and quiet rage. He’s been seething and hurting for months since his daughter pointedly left him out of an important speech in front of friends and family. It was a long-awaited celebration long awaited. She’d been awarded a doctoral degree by a prestigious university. Dozens of colleagues and family members were in attendance. It was a shocking act, ignoring his presence after a lifetime of difficulty between the two of them. He seethed in silence throughout and left early without goodbyes.

His long history of relationship issues included cheating and infidelity, along with constantly disparaging his daughter’s mother, had caused fear, anger, and sadness for his daughter, and only child. This relationship had finally foundered after years of shallow, “artificial dialogue” meant to avoid difficult topics. The venom between this dad and his daughter’s mother had affected everyone, both family and friends. His resentments and hatred of his daughter’s mother had distorted his ability to see anyone clearly, especially his daughter, and it had poisoned the well of goodwill she’d had for him.

Narcissistic Abuse: Where It All Began

Dad is a recovering alcoholic. Sober for years, he is more accurately a “dry drunk” (his daughter’s words). This describes the common pattern of someone who’s given up consumption of alcohol, but still exhibits the ugly patterns of rage and anger under stress. This father never invested himself in learning about his disease beyond cessation of drinking. He might have learned some of the reasons he became an alcoholic. He might have learned some critical family lessons that exist for someone with an addiction problem. He might have looked more deeply into the pain and disconnection brought on by his mercurial, punishing behaviors. 

With profound narcissistic tendencies and a disturbing lack of empathy, he had grown up with little affection from those around him. It made him too uncomfortable. Overtures of intimacy caused him to recoil from potential partners early in his life. This continued with his wife and family, causing noticeable rifts due to narcissistic tendencies in relationships. A tentative mental status examination suggested high-functioning autism, or Asperger’s.

Asperger’s typically refers to individuals who are on the autism spectrum but have average or above-average intelligence and no significant delays in language development. People with Asperger’s syndrome often experience challenges with social interactions (like understanding social cues), communication (especially nonverbal communication), and restricted or repetitive interests and behaviors. At the same time, many individuals have strong abilities in areas like memory, expertise in narrow topics, attention to detail, and sometimes exceptional skills in certain fields (like math, art, or technology).

The Final Blow From A Narcissistic Parent

Perhaps “Aspergian”, he found success in numbers, figures, and spreadsheets and became an expert accountant. He amassed broad wealth, but lived a lonely personal life filled with serial dating relationships and a soulless marriage. Relieving his loneliness with alcohol and affairs, he soon grew distant from family, especially anyone who confronted him on abusive behavior. He grew older, but his development was stunted by the adversity of disconnection in relationships he encountered. He never grew up. 

And when his daughter finally found a loving husband and began leaving home, his loneliness turned to terror. After the experience of humiliation by his daughter’s very public omission of his name, he turned to the only source of power he knew and punished his daughter and new husband by removing them from his will. The pain and confusion caused by these desperate actions have been devastating to both sides. 

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Healing From Narcissistic Abuse In Delray Beach

Healing from a narcissistic parent is tough—really tough—but it’s definitely possible. The first step is just recognizing what happened. That can be the hardest part because narcissistic abuse is often subtle. It might not have looked like “abuse” in the way people usually talk about it. Maybe it was constant guilt-tripping, never feeling good enough, or being made to feel like your feelings didn’t matter.

Once you start seeing it for what it was, things begin to shift. A lot of people feel a mix of relief and grief. Relief that they weren’t crazy, and grief for the kind of parent they should have had. These are just some of the feelings I explore with clients during relationship therapy.

If you’re still in contact with that parent, creating some emotional (or even physical) distance can help. That might mean setting boundaries, limiting interactions, or, in some cases, going no contact. And if you’re still a child or teen and can’t get away, the most important thing is finding someone safe to talk to—like a school counselor, therapist, or trusted adult.

Another big part of healing is getting to know who you really are. Narcissistic parents often expect their kids to play certain roles—like being the “perfect” one or always being the problem. Neither role reflects your real self. As a relationship therapist in Delray Beach, I want you to know that you deserve to be who you are, not who someone else demands you be.

How Relationship Therapy Can Help You Heal

Working with a therapist, especially one who understands trauma and narcissistic abuse, can be life-changing. They can help you untangle all the confusing feelings, work through the pain, and start building yourself up again. Therapies like EMDR or internal family systems (IFS) can be especially helpful for deep emotional wounds.

You’ll also want to learn how to set boundaries—something narcissistic parents usually don’t respect. This is crucial for fostering a healthy parent-child relationship. It might feel weird or “wrong” at first, but learning to protect your energy and say no is a huge part of healing.

Another really powerful step is called “re-parenting.” That basically means giving yourself the love, patience, and care you didn’t get. It might be as simple as speaking kindly to yourself, doing something nurturing, or just listening to what you need without judgment.

And you’re not alone in this. There are so many people out there who’ve been through it, too, and I see them often at my Delray Beach therapy practice. Support groups, books, and even online communities can make a big difference. Sometimes, just hearing someone say “yeah, I went through that too” can feel like a lifeline.

Last thing: healing doesn’t mean forgetting or pretending it didn’t happen. It means you stop letting what they did define you. You get to decide who you are now.

What Does The Future Hold For Narcissistic Parents?

So, can the narcissist change?

That’s a question so many people wrestle with, especially if it’s someone close, like a parent or partner. The honest answer is: yes, they can change—but most don’t.

Here’s why it’s so tricky.

A narcissist usually acts the way they do—controlling, blaming, lacking empathy—because deep down, they’re super insecure. They’ve built up this false version of themselves to protect that fragile core. So to really change, they’d have to take that wall down and face some pretty painful stuff. Most don’t want to go there.

On top of that, they usually don’t think they’re the problem. If something goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault. So they’re not sitting around thinking, “Wow, I really need to work on myself.” And if they do go to therapy, it’s often because someone pushed them into it, not because they genuinely want to change.

Even when they do try to change their behavior, it’s a long process. It takes a lot of therapy, a lot of self-reflection, and most of all—a real willingness to be honest with themselves. That’s a big ask for someone who’s spent their whole life avoiding that kind of vulnerability.

And here’s the kicker: some narcissists will say they’ve changed, especially if they feel like they’re losing control over someone. They might apologize, promise to do better, or even act sweet for a while. But real change shows up in consistent actions, not just words or quick fixes. If they truly change, it won’t just be an apology—it’ll be years of treating people differently.

So yeah, it’s possible. But the reality is, it’s rare. And if you’ve been hurt by one, the most important thing you can do is focus on your healing, not waiting for them to be someone they may never become.

Begin Relationship Therapy For Narcissistic Abuse In Florida

Whether you relate to the story of having a narcissistic parent or you’re experiencing narcissistic abuse in other areas of your life, relationship therapy in Delray Beach can help. At my Florida therapy practice, I’ll work with you to heal from past abuse while taking steps to form healthy boundaries. Follow these simple steps to start counseling today:

• 1. Contact my office to schedule your appointment with me
• 2. Start working with an experienced relationship therapist
• 3. Heal old wounds and learn how to stand your ground

Other Services Offered By John Davis Counseling In Delray Beach

Relationship counseling is just one of the many services I offer in Florida to support your well-being. Whether you prefer in-person or online therapy, I cater to a range of specialties to help you navigate various challenges. Areas of focus include anxiety therapy, trauma therapy, addiction treatment, couples therapy, and support for narcissistic personality disorder. I also help address issues related to infidelity, mood disturbances, chronic impulsivity, and spiritual concerns.

In addition, I provide counseling for parenting challenges, unexpected loss, and ADD/ADHD. I cater my approach to therapy to meet the needs of each client individually, relying on a variety of modalities such as mindfulness, clinical hypnosis, psychodrama, CBT, EMDR, and Gestalt. To learn more, I encourage you to explore the John Davis Counseling blog or book an appointment online.