In Part II of this series, we outline factors that can contribute to a lack of vulnerability in women. We also discuss how relationship therapy can help promote peace and openness.

In the movie Pretty Woman starring Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, a prostitute and a businessman fall for one another, forming an unlikely pair. He’s fabulously wealthy, and she’s working the streets. Edward makes a living buying and breaking up companies. He picks up Vivian as a prostitute. After the first weekend, the two get closer. Only to discover the barriers to overcome as they try to bridge the gap between two different worlds. Intimacy and vulnerability are key elements in this story. He quickly falls in love with her, and she remains determined to keep her guard up. Long after sleeping with him, it’s revealed that the one thing she won’t do is kiss him. Julia Roberts did kiss Richard Gere in Pretty Woman, but only in a few scenes. And there’s a specific reason for that.

In the original script (which was much darker than the final rom-com), Vivian was supposed to avoid kissing clients on the mouth. In her line of work, it was considered too intimate. Director Garry Marshall kept that element for character depth: Vivian sleeps with men but doesn’t kiss them, because kissing is “something special.”

That’s why the moment when she finally kisses Edward (Gere) on the mouth in the later part of the film is such a big deal. It shows she’s fallen for him emotionally, not just physically. She’s opened herself to an unexpected vulnerability that is required of all of us when we “fall in love”.

What Experiences Make It Hard For Women to Be Vulnerable?

In our last blog, Why Is He Scared of Being Vulnerable?, we discussed a couple who’d experienced some success restoring their marriage. You may remember that Roger and Gwen worked hard coming to terms with the latent effects of the trauma Roger had experienced at the hands of an abusive father. Roger worked on himself diligently and underwent quite a personal transformation. Things went very well for some time, and they terminated with us for a period. And then the following year, I got a call from Gwen. Of course, client names have been changed, and any resemblance to characters or events is purely coincidental.

This couple had made major strides in their relationship. They’d reported better communications and more frequent and more satisfying sex. They’d traveled together to Europe for an extended jaunt through Ireland and Scotland, the region of Gwen’s ancestry. Significantly, Roger had stopped drinking and using drugs to numb himself. He changed jobs and, rather than continue solo practice, he joined a law firm where he worked closely with a team of attorneys. He seemed happy in remarkable ways. Their relationship was on a completely different footing. It seemed it was now Gwen’s turn, and she phoned me in tears. We met in my therapy office in downtown Delray Beach right away.

The Bondage of Overwhelming Memories

On a weekend when Roger was away, she’d awakened in the middle of the night suffering a panic attack. She was sweating and cold, and her thoughts raced. Her skin felt tight, and she reported a severely elevated pulse. She called a girlfriend to come over to stay the weekend, and that seemed to calm her. But she remained shaken by the episode, and in therapy with me, she later explored a dream. It was a familiar dream that had occurred several times when she was alone and Roger was away.

The dream was most vivid that night. She dreams she’s walking down a dark street alone, scantily clad, when two strange men attack her violently and assault her sexually, and amid it, she awakes in a panic. She reported she’d begun having trouble again with Roger, especially in bed. Their sex life had fallen off sharply, she reported feeling “robotic,” and she felt uncomfortable with his advances. She slept poorly and began gaining weight.

Gwen seemed locked in a mysterious struggle with her body and had difficulty with her husband over keeping his distance. She couldn’t explain herself. She seemed to want privacy and strict boundaries almost all the time they were home. To Roger, she seemed to change before his eyes. “This isn’t the woman I married”, he told me. “Please help us”.

What is the Best Therapy for Overcoming Trauma?

Trauma-informed hypnosis is a remarkable tool with the power to release someone from the bondage of overwhelming memories. This is how we helped Gwen recover from the trauma she’d experienced. Gwen disclosed for the first time in her life the history of the sexual abuse she’d received as a child at the hands of her older who was 14. From the age of 7 until 9, he would enter her bedroom and fondle her during the nights he’d visit. He warned her, “If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you and your family!”

Sexual trauma is especially tough on a person because it involves loss on a grand scale. For Gwen, the loss of someone who should have protected her. Loss of her innocence and a healthy relationship with sexuality. Loss of personal dignity because someone older was taking away her power to choose. Her shame lay dormant, and she believed she could keep it buried and never reveal it.

But her marriage had flourished, and in their newfound sexual freedom, old memories surfaced primarily in the form of dreams. When she opened herself to intimacy in marriage, her old memories awakened. I like to believe that those memories were calling out to her for healing. She’d left them unaddressed, and her body was unconsciously but wisely acting to protect her from them.

Under conditions of light trance, over several sessions, Gwen was brave enough to revisit those traumatic old memories and surround them with a different narrative or explanation. She was able to “reconsolidate” the memories that had frightened and disabled her. Memory reconsolidation is the brain’s process of re-storing a memory after it has been recalled.

How Does Trauma-Informed Hypnosis Work?

• —When you retrieve a memory, especially under hypnosis, it’s not like playing back a video file. The memory becomes unstable for a short time.
• —In that unstable state, with proper guidance, the memory can be altered, strengthened, weakened, or even updated with new information or emotional meaning.
• —Your brain then saves it (reconsolidates it) in its new form.

This is important because it means old memories aren’t fixed; they can be modified. As a Delray therapist, I often use this principle in therapies for trauma, phobias, and addictions — deliberately reactivating painful memories, then pairing them with new, less distressing experiences so the emotional charge changes when the memory is stored again.

Looked at simplistically, it’s like opening a document, making edits, and hitting “save.” Except that the “document” is your memory, and the “edits” can change how it feels in the future

Are You Ready to Get to the Root of Your Invulnerability?

If you or someone you love is doing all you can in your marriage and still can’t see results, and you are still unhappy, I may be able to help, especially if it involves experiencing intrusive thoughts or memories or nightmares revealing trauma. Learning and healing may take some time, but the joys can be priceless. Call or text me at 561-213-8030 or email me at jdlmhc@gmail.com for a consultation.

Learn How to Be Vulnerable Through Relationship Therapy in Delray Beach, FL

When someone fears being vulnerable in a relationship, it often leads to distance, frustration, and unmet emotional needs. If you’ve noticed this struggle in your partner—or even in yourself—relationship therapy can provide the understanding and tools needed to break down those barriers.

At my Delray Beach counseling practice, I create a supportive environment where clients can explore the roots of guardedness, practice healthier communication, and learn to build intimacy grounded in trust and authenticity.

Here’s how to begin moving toward stronger, more connected relationships:

• 1. Openly discuss challenges with vulnerability in a safe, judgment-free setting during your initial consultation.
• 2. Gain practical strategies for increasing emotional openness and strengthening intimacy with guidance from an experienced relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL.
• 3. Develop a foundation of respect, honesty, and empathy that supports healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Other Services I Offer As a Relationship Therapist in Delray Beach

For many women, the fear of being vulnerable in relationships stems from past experiences, unmet emotional needs, or unresolved trauma. Relationship therapy can help unpack these fears, create healthier boundaries, and foster the confidence to express emotions openly while building deeper, more secure connections.

Beyond therapy for vulnerability and emotional openness, my Delray Beach counseling practice offers a comprehensive range of services to support mental and relational health. I see clients both in person and online, addressing challenges such as parenting stress, addiction recovery, and couples issues. I also provide therapy for trauma, anxiety, infidelity, and NPD, along with other long-standing relational struggles.

My work is highly personalized, drawing on proven therapeutic approaches such as clinical hypnosis, mindfulness, psychodrama, CBT, EMDR, and Gestalt therapy. Additional services include grief counseling, spiritual guidance, and support for ADD/ADHD. For more resources or to schedule a session, I invite you to visit my counseling blog or reach out to my office directly.

About the Author

John Davis is a trusted relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL, who specializes in helping women and couples work through the fears and barriers that often make vulnerability feel unsafe. With a strong background in child and family therapy, John understands how early relational experiences and past emotional wounds can shape adult patterns of guardedness, trust, and intimacy. He uses a trauma-informed and integrative approach—drawing on EMDR, CBT, mindfulness, and psychodrama—to help clients explore the roots of emotional avoidance while building healthier ways to connect.

John’s work in relationship therapy has guided many women toward greater self-confidence, stronger boundaries, and the ability to cultivate deeper, more authentic relationships. As Executive Director of the Mental Health Counselor’s Association of Palm Beach and recipient of the Outstanding Community Service Award, John is widely recognized for his leadership in the mental health community. His compassionate, client-centered approach empowers clients to face fears of vulnerability and replace them with openness, trust, and meaningful emotional connection.