“Why won’t she leave me alone?” Lilly cried during a relationship therapy session. “I’m always answering her calls, returning her texts, and opening my door when she needs to come over!”. “I can’t get away from her!” Lilly said, and the emotions rose into her throat, her eyes growing misty. “She’s like a sucker fish, always clinging to me and demanding my attention.” Lilly and Anna had been friends since 7th grade. They attended the same small private school and spent all their free time together. Both were only children born to parents still working. They found companionship in each other and a warm friendship to rely on.

It took some years of growing and developing for Lilly to see that Anna clearly had some developmental problems. She noticed that Anna did not function well at a distance from her (now divorced) parents. Though I never met Anna, from Lilly’s stories about her, I’m sure a likely diagnosis would have been Dependent Personality Disorder. Anna clung to friends as if on life support.

What is Dependent Personality Disorder?

According to the DSM-5, someone receives a Dependent Personality Disorder diagnosis when they have a long-term and excessive need to be taken care of. This leads to clingy behavior, major difficulty being alone, and an intense fear of being abandoned. To meet the diagnosis, the person must show at least five specific behaviors or patterns that show up across many parts of their life. I see this often, working with young adults making their way into friendships and love relationships. It’s an age when these overly dependent relationships can feel like a life raft when one is trying to leave home and establish oneself.

In everyday terms, someone with this disorder usually has a really hard time making decisions on their own. Even small things, like what to wear or what to eat, can feel overwhelming unless someone else gives them advice or approval. They tend to lean heavily on other people to take charge of important areas of their lives, like handling responsibilities or making plans.

They’re often afraid to speak up or disagree because they don’t want to risk losing support. It’s not that they always agree that the fear of being rejected or abandoned can be so strong. They just go along with things to keep the peace.

They might struggle to start projects or do things independently. Not because they’re lazy, but because they don’t feel confident in their own ability to make decisions or do things right. They’ll sometimes go to great lengths to stay connected to people. Even if it means doing things they don’t really want to do.

Fear of Abandonment Often Leads to Co-Dependency

Being alone is often uncomfortable for them. They may feel helpless or even panicky without someone nearby to rely on. And if a close friendship or other relationship ends, they often rush to find a new one immediately. That way, they don’t have to face the feeling of being alone and unsupported.

At the heart of it, this isn’t just someone who enjoys company or likes to feel close to others. It’s someone whose fear of abandonment and belief that they can’t manage on their own starts to interfere with their life. With obvious signs of questionable behavior, Anna seemed to struggle in all these areas. She fit perfectly with Lilly’s own excessive need to be liked and to feel close.

What Relationship Therapy Teaches About Friendship Boundaries

Lilly came to me for counseling in my Delray Beach therapy practice the summer after her high school graduation. We first met on a rainy Saturday morning and continued until the Fall. When I asked what had brought her in, she said her parents were planning to go on vacation without her for a week. She was relishing the excitement as she thought of all the freedom and privacy she’d now have in her home. “No rules!” she exclaimed. “I can do whatever I want!” But her anxiety over her friendship with Anna was getting to her.

She worried that her privacy and freedom would be compromised, and she’d be unable to do anything about it. With Anna, she felt suffocated at times, trying to be a good friend, but clearly overwhelmed by Anna’s neediness. Lately, she’d been blocking her calls and texts during certain times. But eventually, she gave in to Anna’s relentless contact through social media.

Lilly craved being liked. As an only child, she found companionship and comfort in her friend groups early on, creating close bonds of loyalty and affection. This is normal. What was difficult for Lilly was keeping firm boundaries for herself as each friendship matured. She was fearful of displeasing others. Saying no comfortably. Refusing situations that made her uncomfortable. She would go out of her way to help them. When she started to drive, she became the “taxi” person in her group. A keen and sensitive listener, Lilly offered helpful advice to her friends and became something of a “therapist” for them.

Recognizing Co-Dependency in a Friendship

She seemed to attract the ones with the most serious problems who would lean on Lilly and spill out their boyfriend/family/school stories without prompting. This is known as a “co-dependent relationship”. This term was popularized by the author Melody Beattie in her very fine book Co-Dependent No More. This type of relationship occurs frequently in families touched by alcoholism and drug abuse. It was Beattie’s great contribution to describe the dynamics involved in these poor-quality relationships.

Melody Beattie would probably say something like, “It’s okay to care about your friend, but you’re not responsible for their life.” Being a good friend doesn’t mean being their therapist or emotional lifeline all the time. You can love someone and still have limits. That’s actually healthy.

She’d also remind you that you don’t have to feel guilty for needing space. If your friend is overly dependent, it’s fair to say something like, “I care about you, but I can’t be your only support system.” That’s not unkind, it’s honest. She believed boundaries weren’t about shutting people out; they were about protecting your own well-being.

Melody would say you’re allowed to say no without having to explain everything or feel bad about it. If your friend gets upset when you pull back a little, she’d say that’s their emotion to deal with, not yours to fix.

She’d probably encourage you to look at the pattern, too. If you often end up in friendships where someone depends too heavily on you, it might be worth asking why that is. Sometimes we fall into those roles because it feels familiar or safe in some way. Recognizing that can be part of your own growth.

Healthy Boundaries Lead to Healthy Relationships

So, in the end, Melody Beattie would say: care, but don’t carry. Help if you want, but don’t feel like it’s your job to rescue anyone. And know that setting boundaries can lead to healthier relationships, not broken ones. As an experienced relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL, this is a vital point I make to clients struggling in any type of relationship, including friendships.

Lilly began making changes quickly, expanding her friendship circles, and volunteering more frequently at the animal shelter she loved. We practiced some of the dialogue she’d use with her friends to break the cycle of “co-dependency”. Saying “no, thank you” became much more comfortable. Later in the summer, Lilly’s mood brightened. She’d left behind some of the depression that accompanied her burdensome friendship with Anna and others.

If you or someone you love is struggling with keeping healthy boundaries in important relationships, I can help. Appointments are available right away. Call or text me at 561-213-8030.

Create Healthy Boundaries Through Therapy For Relationship Issues in Delray Beach

Setting boundaries in friendships can feel uncomfortable, sometimes even selfish. But in reality, boundaries are essential to preserving trust, respect, and emotional balance. If you’ve struggled with saying no, feeling drained by certain friendships, or questioning your worth in relationships, relationship counseling in Delray Beach can help you create clarity and confidence without guilt. At my Delray Beach therapy clinic, I offer a supportive space to explore these dynamics and build healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Here’s how you can get started:

• 1. Begin understanding your relationship patterns and boundary needs in your first appointment.
• 2. Learn how to set limits with kindness, assertiveness, and self-respect with help from a relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL.
• 3. Reclaim your emotional energy and build friendships rooted in mutual care and healthy connection.

Other Therapy Services John Davis Provides in Florida

If you find yourself feeling guilty for setting limits with friends or constantly overextending to maintain peace, relationship therapy in Delray Beach, FL, can help you shift those patterns. Through guided support, you’ll learn how to create healthier friendships built on mutual respect, clear communication, and emotional balance—without sacrificing your sense of self.

Beyond friendship-focused relationship counseling, I provide a broad range of therapeutic services in Florida to support your overall mental and emotional health. Whether you prefer in-person sessions or the convenience of virtual appointments, I work with individuals and families on challenges such as addiction recovery, parenting struggles, and couples therapy. I also address concerns related to anxiety, trauma, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), infidelity, and other relational stressors.

Each client receives a personalized, integrative approach to care, drawing from modalities like CBT, EMDR, Gestalt, psychodrama, mindfulness, and clinical hypnosis. Additional services include grief and loss counseling, spiritual exploration, and support for ADD/ADHD. I invite you to visit the John Davis Counseling blog or reach out directly to book an appointment.

About the Author

John Davis is a dedicated marriage, family, and relationship therapist with extensive experience helping individuals, couples, and families work through a wide range of relationship issues. Whether clients are facing emotional disconnection, unresolved conflict, or long-standing patterns that strain connection, John brings a deep understanding of how to foster healing and growth. With a strong background in child and family therapy, he also supports clients dealing with parenting challenges, mood disorders, impulse control, and PTSD, using trauma-informed techniques such as EMDR, CBT, psychodrama, and mindfulness.

John’s work in relationship therapy is marked by his ability to guide clients through high-conflict dynamics and help them restore trust, improve communication, and establish healthy boundaries. As Executive Director of the Mental Health Counselor’s Association of Palm Beach and a recipient of the 2020 Outstanding Community Service Award, John is recognized as a trusted leader in the field. His integrative, client-centered approach empowers people to create lasting change and build more meaningful, emotionally connected relationships.