Gaslighting is a term used when someone tells you you’re crazy after you call them out on cheating, manipulation, and other forms of abuse. It is morally destructive behavior, and the impact on partners and others around the narcissist is real. One can be hurt and damaged by these abusive and manipulative behaviors in ways that show up over time and last years. These effects are often subtle but always awful. One is left with lagging self-confidence. Trusting no one. Second-guessing their own decisions. Depression. Believing in their fearful imagination. The experience can be traumatic and leave scars that are often only mended through individual relationship therapy.

How Narcissism Can Affect Your Relationship

“Stop talking about my cheating”, he pleads during one of our therapy sessions. Lou is a wealthy hedge fund manager. A youthful 70, he tosses around a full, thick shock of hair. He looks 20 years younger than his actual age. Obsessed with his appearance, he’s constantly coming from or heading to the gym for hard workouts. His body is lean.

Lou had returned to my practice after a 12-year absence. I remembered him well from our earlier work when he contacted me trying to avoid divorce. He’d cheated on his wife with multiple women and in the wreckage, he’d asked me for help. She was a beautiful Ukrainian woman with clear, direct eyes and a sharp intelligence. They had a daughter.

She hadn’t seen the warning signs when she first married Lou but now protested loudly: “You are a womanizer, and I can’t trust you anymore”. It took only a couple of sessions to determine that this marriage was beyond help. She left him immediately with the help of my colleague Chris Bruce, a West Palm Beach lawyer who specializes in helping partners divorce narcissistic, abusive spouses.

Charismatic and playful, he was articulate and funny, always the jester and rarely taking himself or others seriously. He was back in my therapy office in Delray Beach, Florida seeking the same kind of relief he’d been looking for before.

The Results of Morally Destructive Behavior

“Help her understand I’m a good guy” he pleaded. His girlfriend had discovered his regular use of pornography and cocaine. Devastated, she then discovered she’d contracted an STD and when he was confronted with this by her, he admitted hiring prostitutes and doing drugs with them when she went back to her home country briefly.

They broke up. During the cold months that followed, Lou continually tried to reconnect with Laura, but she refused. When they both appeared in relationship therapy, it became clear that it would be difficult, perhaps impossible, for him to change his behavior. She was alternately sad and withdrawn, then angry and punitive. “My friends warned me about you when we met!” she scolded. “You are a cheat and a liar!” Her complaints were met with dismissal and then anger from Lou. “I can’t hear about this anymore!” “When will you stop!?” “You’re making ME crazy!” He’d shout.

Even as an experienced relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL, these exchanges were painful to watch.

How can one be more aware before becoming so deeply involved with such a person?

Recognizing Narcissistic Patterns in a Partner

If you’re engaging with a malignant narcissist, the signs tend to go beyond purely selfish traits. One big one is that they seem to enjoy having power over you. It’s not just about wanting attention, they want control. They might isolate you from friends or family, make decisions without you, or constantly create situations where you feel confused or dependent on them.

Another major sign is cruelty without remorse. They can be verbally or emotionally abusive, say incredibly hurtful things, and then act like you deserved it or like nothing happened at all. If anything, they might even blame you for making them act that way. Classic gaslighting behavior.

They also lie and manipulate often. Not just little white lies, but big, calculated ones. They twist stories, gaslight you to the point where you question your own memory or judgment, and use guilt or fear to control the situation.

Empathy is basically nonexistent. It’s not just that they don’t understand your feelings, it can feel like they enjoy seeing you uncomfortable or upset, especially if it gives them the upper hand. Their actions can often be classified as narcissistic abuse.

And maybe the hardest part is that they often have two faces. To the outside world, they can come across as charming, helpful, or even generous. But at home, it’s a completely different story—controlling, cold, even cruel. That contrast can make it hard to get people to understand what you’re going through.

If any of this rings true, you’re not overreacting. Malignant narcissists can cause serious emotional damage, and it’s okay to start thinking about how to protect yourself.

Healthy Boundaries Revealed in Relationship Therapy

“I’m still friends with most of the women I slept with”, Lou says with his jovial air. He announces this with an uncanny pride bordering on arrogance. As if this makes him more honorable in some strange way. This lands on Laura, his girlfriend with a thud. The pained look on her face tells me there’s more to her concern. Sometimes people come into therapy to determine what’s “normal” or “acceptable”. She is clearly trying to find her bearings. She feels confused and gaslit, as if the ground is shifting beneath her.

Should Someone Stay Close Wriends With Their Former Sexual Partners?

That really depends on a few key things—like the nature of those friendships, the level of trust in the new relationship, and how both partners feel about it.

In rare cases, it’s possible for exes to stay friends in a healthy, respectful way. If there are clear boundaries, no lingering romantic feelings, and both people are honest and open with their new partners, it can work. Rarely, but it’s possible. Often these “friends” intrude on the relationship in subtle, yet destructive ways.

But if a partner insists on keeping close ties with all of their former lovers—and especially if they are not transparent about those relationships or if the new partner feels uncomfortable, it can be a red flag. It raises questions about emotional boundaries and whether they are fully committing to the new relationship. It also speaks volumes of their behavior if it’s part of a larger pattern of narcissistic control and abuse.

The narcissist sees people as objects and tends to “collect” them as a source of comforting “supply”, says Nina W. Brown, in her classic book Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People: The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern. It then becomes typical for the narcissist to leave doors open to old relationships that should have properly terminated with appropriate closure.

Individual Therapy For Relationship Issues in Delray Beach

What matters most with Lou and Laura is how they behave during the process of repair. During an early communication exercise, she’s emotional and through her tears, speaks with great sadness trying to understand. He dismisses this instead of addressing her concerns with care. He is not listening, and she senses it. If it’s possible to demonstrate true remorse and curiosity, then the couple can build back trust, communication, and mutual respect.

It seems impossible from the opening session. Laura’s concerns seem to overwhelm her, and she frequently feels upset. She reports mysterious phone calls to his phone that Lou immediately dismisses. Text messages that she saw appearing, only to be erased before she could see his responses. “Likes” posted on scantily clad ex-lovers on social media. All these were warning signs that Lou seemed to insist on refusing responsibility for.

As we speak, I am terminating this therapy out of my obligation to protect her from further harm and referring both partners for individual therapy.

Under these circumstances, we face an ethical dilemma as therapists. As social workers, we’re inclined to help people in distress, but it’s important to know when our efforts risk crossing a critical boundary and begin enabling the narcissist and contributing to the subtle undercurrent of control maintained by them.

You Aren’t Crazy—Learn How to Navigate Morally Destructive Behavior Through Relationship Therapy in Delray Beach, FL

When love becomes controlling, manipulative, or emotionally harmful, it’s easy to second-guess yourself, but you don’t have to face it alone. Relationship therapy in Delray Beach, FL, can help you recognize toxic patterns, rebuild your sense of self, and make empowered choices rooted in clarity and self-respect. If you’re feeling confused, drained, or trapped in a morally destructive dynamic, I’m here to support your healing journey at my Delray Beach therapy clinic.

Here’s how to begin the process of reclaiming your peace and personal power:

• 1. Explore your relationship concerns in a safe, judgment-free way during your consultation.
• 2. Learn how to identify toxic behaviors and break free from unhealthy emotional cycles by working with a skilled relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL.
• 3. Start building stronger boundaries and reconnecting with your values, confidence, and self-worth.

Other Therapy Services John Davis Provides in Florida

If you’re feeling trapped in a relationship marked by morally destructive behavior, therapy can help you recognize these patterns and begin to rebuild your sense of safety and self-worth. Through relationship counseling in Delray Beach, you can learn to set healthy boundaries, break cycles of toxic behavior, and move toward more respectful and fulfilling connections.

In addition to relationship therapy, my Delray Beach, FL, counseling practice offers a diverse range of counseling services to support your overall emotional and psychological health. I work with clients both in person and through online sessions, addressing concerns such as addiction recovery, couples communication, and parenting struggles. I also work with individuals facing anxiety, trauma, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), infidelity, and long-term relational challenges.

My approach is integrative and client-centered, drawing from therapeutic methods like EMDR, CBT, Gestalt, mindfulness, psychodrama, and clinical hypnosis. I also provide guidance for grief and loss, spiritual exploration, and ADD/ADHD-related issues. To learn more, visit the John Davis mental health blog and reach out directly when you’re ready to take the next step.

About the Author

John Davis is a seasoned therapist specializing in marriage, family, and relationship therapy, with a focus on helping individuals, couples, and families navigate emotionally complex and often painful relational dynamics. Drawing from a strong background in child and family therapy, John supports clients facing challenges such as parenting struggles, mood instability, trauma, and impulse control. His therapeutic work is grounded in trauma-informed practices, including EMDR, CBT, psychodrama, and mindfulness-based approaches.

John’s expertise in relationship therapy makes him especially effective in working with clients caught in high-conflict or morally destructive relationships. He helps them recognize toxic patterns, rebuild emotional safety, and create healthier ways of relating. As Executive Director of the Mental Health Counselor’s Association of Palm Beach and the 2020 Outstanding Community Service Award recipient, John is a respected leader in his field. His holistic, client-centered approach empowers individuals to find clarity, set boundaries, and foster more meaningful, respectful relationships.