She says, “He’s always yelling at me,” as we begin an initial relationship therapy evaluation. “I am forever feeling criticized and picked on when I’m just minding my business.”

Lisa and Allen had been together for several years and had a 2-year-old daughter. They’d come to me to address a painful issue that had them both walking on eggshells around each other and finding themselves in unexpected blowups that often turned nasty. Allen made the call to set up our meetings initially because he felt he had noticed a painful pattern in their relationship and wanted to resolve it. “We just aren’t able to stay close over time,” he said. “We fight about the smallest things”.

How Individual Therapy Can Lay the Groundwork

Older than Lisa by a decade, he’d had some successful one-on-one therapy and credited his work there with helping him maintain 10 years of sobriety. He attended 12-step meetings faithfully and had close friends from his home group. Allen left home upon graduation from high school and never went back. His father was a “dry alcoholic” (ceased drinking, but always distant or angry), and his mother was chronically depressed. Allen had grown up with something of a “frustrated attachment style”. Unwittingly, he’d practiced pretending not to need people and affection since early childhood. This impossible bind had been a major cause of his alcoholism. He drank to numb his emotions. Relationships were always difficult.

Lisa had also done considerable work with a therapist before their marriage to address some of the effects of her alcoholic father’s behavior on her family. Her parents divorced during her teen years, and relations with her siblings were not close. Even though she’d achieved valedictorian status at high school graduation, she reported always feeling “not quite good enough”. She often suffered periods of high anxiety and even brief episodes of panic, especially around her mother, whom she described as an insufferable critic and negative person.

Anxiety Masked as Miscommunication

The pattern Allen felt they could explore was simple: needing her attention, he’d call out to her from another room of their small home, elevating his voice just slightly to be heard. Lisa would then respond, sometimes explosively, with an anxious, fearful retort, sometimes with defensiveness and hostility. This always brought about an ugly mood between them. She reported that her instinctive reaction was to protect herself from the inevitable criticism she felt was coming her way.

From Allen’s point of view, this made no sense. He reported that he merely wanted her attention. She reported feeling attacked and that her boundaries weren’t respected. And around and around and around. When their daughter was born, it brought another layer of stress on top of their already burdened lifestyle. They both worked from home in high-stress jobs, and sharing parenting responsibilities had pushed them past a point they both recognized was hurting instead of helping their marriage. Sex had become almost non-existent, adding even more stress and depriving them both of emotional and physical nourishment.

Relationship Resolution is Possible

Working with them over several months in my Delray Beach therapy office, I began to admire their patience with each other as they reported their thoughts and feelings. This was a wise couple, deeply in love who’d chosen therapy to help them work through a set of issues that had upset them. Their pain was not unique. Many couples face these kinds of seemingly intractable conflicts. Self-limiting beliefs from childhood may lie dormant for years, but usually in intimate relationships, those beliefs cause high anxiety and call out “always had to have the right answers and remain in charge”.

Resolution meant patience with each other. It meant slowing down and taking the time to invest in rich dialogue, within which they could safely explore their feelings with each other. They could begin to understand their own needs and ask to have them met. Feeling safe in close relationships had been difficult for both Lisa and Allen. Their deeply rooted childhood memories were filled with emotional pain that often threatened to swamp them. Gradually, their trust in each other blossomed, and their marriage became ridiculously happy. There was far less tension in their home. They enjoyed sex more often and more satisfyingly. Their daughter became a source of connection rather than a burden.

The Metaphorical Dance in Romantic Relationships

Miami therapists and authors Hedy and Yumi Schleiffer would say they’d “fallen out of the canoe” and were trying to get back in. In one of their workshops, “Adventures in Intimacy,” they envisioned relationships as being like paddling a canoe. Both partners must operate in sync to keep moving forward and keep from tipping over, throwing everyone in the water. This metaphorical “dance” is not easy. It requires us to manage the anxiety that rises as we navigate the stresses of daily life while recognizing and being accountable for reactions and beliefs stemming from our early development.

How Does Anxiety Affect Relationship Dynamics?

Here are just a few ways anxiety can affect your closest relationships:

1. Overthinking

Anxiety can make relationships tougher, but it doesn’t mean they can’t work. One big way it shows up is overthinking. You might replay conversations in your head, worry something’s wrong when it isn’t, or stress over things your partner said or didn’t say. This behavior can create tension, especially if your partner doesn’t understand why you’re upset.

2. Insecurity

Another issue is needing constant reassurance. Both Lisa and Allen were constantly seeking this from each other. You might keep asking if everything’s okay or if they still love you. It comes from a place of fear, not mistrust, but over time, it can wear both of you out. This dynamic is explored with great care in the book “I’m OK – You’re OK” by Dr. Thomas Harris.

3. Overwhelm

Sometimes anxiety causes people to pull away. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you might avoid serious talks or shut down emotionally. That can make your partner feel confused or hurt, like you don’t care.
There’s also the tendency to get a little controlling—not in a toxic way, but because anxiety makes you want to feel secure. That might look like wanting to know where they are, needing set plans, or checking in a lot. It’s about calming your nerves, but it can feel stifling to the other person.

4. Miscommunication

Communication can also get tricky. Anxiety can make it hard to express yourself clearly or cause you to blow up over something small. The sound of Rick’s voice immediately brought back Lisa’s father’s hostile tone, resurfacing old family wounds. That can lead to arguments that feel worse than they need to be.

5. Exhaustion

Anxiety can be exhausting. When you’re mentally drained, you might not have the energy to connect emotionally, even if you want to. And all of this can feed into a deep fear that your partner will eventually leave, even if there’s no reason to think that. That fear can lead to jealousy or clinginess, or you might even push them away without realizing it.

You Can Manage Anxiety’s Impact—Final Words of Encouragement From a Relationship Therapist in Delray Beach

Anxiety doesn’t have to ruin a relationship. If both people are open, honest, and willing to work through it, things can get stronger. Understanding each other and talking it out are the first steps. Sometimes, outside support from a compassionate relationship therapist can really help.

If you or someone you love is dealing with anxiety and has felt its impact on relationships, get in touch with me. In my downtown Delray Beach practice, I help couples and family members gain awareness of these thoughts and feelings and improve communication and relationships quickly. I offer both live sessions and Zoom calls to meet my clients’ needs. Call or text me at 561-213-8030 or email me at jdlmhc@gmail.com. I’d love to help.

Build Secure Connections Through Relationship Therapy in Delray Beach, FL

Anxiety doesn’t just affect the individual. It ripples into every close connection, whether romantic, family, or emotional. Left unaddressed, it can create distance, misunderstandings, and even patterns of conflict. Relationship therapy provides a supportive, guided space to uncover how anxiety shows up in your relationships. It helps you discover healthier ways to communicate and connect with the people who matter most. At my counseling practice in Delray Beach, FL, I work with clients to replace anxiety-driven reactions with tools that foster clarity, compassion, and emotional balance.

Here’s how you can begin the journey toward healthier, more connected relationships:

• 1. Discover how anxiety is shaping your relationships in a safe, judgment-free space. Book a consultation to get started.
• 2. Learn practical tools for managing anxious thoughts while improving communication and emotional safety with help from a respected relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL.
• 3. Build stronger connections rooted in trust, respect, and calm—even when anxiety is present.

Other In-Person & Online Therapy Services I Offer in Florida

If anxiety is creating strain in your relationships, therapy can help you identify how it shows up and give you tools to navigate it more effectively. With professional support, you can learn healthier ways to communicate, manage stress, and create stronger, calmer connections with those closest to you.

In addition to relationship therapy, my Florida therapy practice provides a wide variety of services designed to support emotional and mental health. I work with clients both in person and online, helping them manage challenges related to parenting, addiction, and conflict within couples. I also offer therapy for issues such as trauma, anxiety, infidelity, and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

Every session is personalized, using an integrative approach that may draw from Gestalt therapy, CBT, EMDR, mindfulness, psychodrama, or clinical hypnosis. I also provide support for grief, spiritual exploration, and ADD/ADHD management. For more resources, you can visit my counseling blog and connect with my office directly when you’re ready to schedule an appointment.

About the Author

John Davis is a seasoned relationship therapist in Delray Beach who specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families manage the ways anxiety and emotional stress can disrupt connection. His foundation in child and family therapy gives him unique insight into how early life experiences shape adult relationship patterns, especially when anxiety contributes to conflict, disconnection, or unhealthy coping strategies.

Using a trauma-informed and integrative approach, John draws on techniques such as EMDR, CBT, mindfulness practices, and psychodrama to support clients in breaking cycles of worry and fear while strengthening communication and trust. He is particularly skilled at guiding clients through anxiety-driven dynamics in marriages, friendships, and family relationships, helping them establish boundaries and build healthier patterns.

As Executive Director of the Mental Health Counselor’s Association of Palm Beach and recipient of the Outstanding Community Service Award, John is widely respected for his leadership in the field. His work empowers clients to reduce anxiety’s impact, reclaim emotional safety, and create meaningful, lasting connections in their relationships.