The most challenging sessions in my relationship counseling practice are by far with the difficult, immature partners who’ve carried significant psychological “baggage” throughout their lives and refuse to see their personal contributions to the failures that dog them. They appear in therapy complaining about feeling like a victim. No one is perfectly innocent in a relationship. We all bring some kind of pain or sorrow. Indeed, it is often within the relationship that we find the reasons and the motivation to change ourselves. To join with our partners in creating a life that is different and satisfying for both of us and our children. But not always.

As in Part I of my Faded Love blog series, At What Stage Do Most Marriages Fail?, the names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy. In the painful story that follows, any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or situations, past or present, is purely coincidental.

Fading Love Or Relationship Problems Beneath the Surface?

Cara sought my help first. “I want out”, she said. “I’ve been trying for a long time, and this marriage is killing me”. She’d met Mike after college on a “match” dating site that had a reputation for helping partners find lasting relationships. They’d gone on to have two children and worked together in a printing business. She worked in sales, and he managed the mechanical stuff, including staff in the production of print projects.

Excessively trim at 44, Cara enjoyed yoga and running and kept herself maniacally fit through a vigilant diet and lots and lots of exercise. We’d later discuss that perhaps it had often been too much exercise, to the point of a kind of addiction that had taken her away from her husband and family far too much. It looked like she could eat more and be healthier. She felt the once-happy marriage had become irreconcilable. Her anger was palpable and flashed often in her descriptions. “He’s never been home and drinks constantly”, she said. I proposed that they slow down and take some time for “discernment,” during which they take a strong look at the patterns they’d set up and the harsh feelings that had plagued them so long. It’s always possible that relationships are far too damaged to repair, but I try to remain optimistic. Personal healing, at some level, is never out of the question.

Do Relationship Problems Affect Family Dynamics?

Their children had been suffering badly. Now 17, the daughter was deeply depressed and was frequently absent from high school. She’d begun smoking pot the year before, claiming to her mother that it “helped with anxiety”. She’d gotten pregnant at 15 and aborted with a friend’s help. She was nearing dropout status, and her mother had given up on her when she started dating the boy who dealt her drugs.

Her brother was a standout athlete in middle school but suffered academically due to ADD, and had recently begun, like his sister, to experiment with pot. Pressures at home were a huge distraction for him, and he told his mother he preferred to “space out” when he was uncomfortable. Cara broke down when describing the failures of these children and stated emphatically: “It’s our fault. We’ve been fighting and ignoring them for years. We must stop”.

The Strain of Addiction on Family Relationships

We are trained to perform quick mental status checks when we meet someone for the first time. I could see across my waiting room the corrosive effect of a long history of alcohol and drug abuse on Mike, and he walked in slowly with his shoulders drooping. His eye contact was furtive and sparse. Underweight, his abdomen protruded over dramatically skinny legs. Bad nutrition adds up over time, and it showed in his sallow skin tone and unhealthy hair. A sheen of perspiration covered his forehead. He reeked of cannabis.

“I don’t know what to do,” he said plaintively, “My family’s a disaster. My kids no longer speak to me, and my wife is leaving. They just don’t understand how much I do for them”. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for this man who had obviously allowed his addictions to overtake and rule him. He’d tried inpatient treatment 15 years before, along with Alcoholics Anonymous, but found it impossible to maintain. “None of those people were like me,” he said, “I don’t have those kinds of problems. I was uncomfortable sitting in a room full of burned-out old men who told the same stories repeatedly. We had nothing in common. It wasn’t for me.”

How Meaningful Relationship Connections Help Break the Cycle

I’ve heard this refrain many times. “I don’t fit in”. Alcoholism is a disease of disconnection. “The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, but connection”. That phrase comes from Johann Hari, a journalist who’s written books, like Chasing the Scream, and spoken widely about addiction. His idea is that while many people assume addiction is simply about chemical hooks or lack of willpower, the deeper driver is often disconnection—disconnection from meaningful relationships, community, or a sense of purpose.

Mike had grown up an only child in an alcoholic home. All he knew were periods of violence and isolation, and he re-created it in his marriage. Covering it over with obsessive work at his print company and the financial prosperity that came from it, Mike had, for a long time, been a “high-functioning” alcoholic. But he had remained a refugee from his own home. Family is a place where truth will prevail, and this one was no exception. Without an effective way to communicate and manage expectations, pain and suffering will eventually make themselves known.

Mike was always working and left it to Cara to raise the children and provide a semblance of home. He’d spend any spare time he had at the casino. Their occasional home evenings were filled with excessive drinking, and the children were ignored. They didn’t see that they were role modeling addiction, and their daughter was the first victim. Alcoholism begins to occupy the home like an abusive guest. Conversation grows shallow, and real communication over issues and problems like sex and finances remains in the background.

What Happens When Relationship Problems Go Too Far?

Mike admitted he’d handled all this badly, but balked when our discussion turned toward his recovery. “I’m under a lot of stress, you see. I could quit if I wanted. I’m just not interested in stopping alcohol right now”. Mike was adamant that it was Cara who needed to change. “She’s addicted to yoga and running, for God’s sake”, he said. “She’s destroyed our home. We never talk. She just wants my money”.

We met a few more times, but there was no opening for change with Mike and Cara, and I brought our sessions to a close. I saw Cara a few more times, and she reported suffering through a bitter and acrimonious divorce. “At least I’ve got my health,” she said. “He’s a scumbag and I’m not going to let this divorce bring me down”. These pronouncements saddened me.

Both these people were constantly blaming each other for failure. Attempts at couples’ dialogue were futile, especially when Mike showed up high. They both carried huge responsibilities for the failures of their family and marriage. Their destructive behavior and bitterness were so profoundly present in all their meetings with me, I chose to terminate. I have an ethical obligation to “do no harm,” and I felt that prolonging their fighting and hurting each other had to stop. I whispered a silent prayer for their children as I said goodbye.

Are You the Problem In Your Relationship? Insight About Addiction

Both these people were addicted without boundaries, and carried equally the burden of the relationship’s demise. He turned to drugs and alcohol. She to dieting and hyper exercise. It is clear they were avoiding feeling and talking in ways that might have healed them (and their children). Their life together was impossibly stressful, especially with difficult children. The most difficult seasons began when they turned away from each other toward substances and processes for relief and comfort, rather than toward their marriage and family. It’s hard to recognize addiction when we are in the sway of it.

We dangerously believe that we can quit anytime we want. Of course, if we never make the attempt, we can hide behind this deadly fantasy for a long time. Ironically, involuntary commitment to intensive inpatient substance abuse treatment has historically enjoyed a higher rate of success than voluntary treatment. In Florida, the Marchman Act is a law that allows concerned family members to force treatment or jail on someone who’s dying before their eyes. Especially in late stages, the insanity of dependence causes poor judgment and loss of reasoning skills. It also causes extreme isolation, leading to such co-morbid diagnoses as depression and agoraphobia.

How Can a Relationship Therapist in Delray Beach Help?

Feedback in sessions from someone we love can be lifesaving. We may be acting in ways we cannot see because of their long-standing habitual nature. Often, in my Delray Beach counseling practice, I see couples helping each other solve family problems by engaging in tough dialogue, sometimes confrontationally. While it may be difficult to discuss substance abuse head-on, for example, it is possible and sometimes easier and rewarding to look at obstacles to intimacy, which may include problems with alcohol and drugs. The relationship becomes a lens through which we can honestly look at ourselves and a motivational goal that can pull us forward into health.

Communication with the help of an objective third party, like an experienced relationship therapist, can often serve as a catalyst to kickstart long-needed conversations over difficult things. Cara and Mike avoided talking about their daughter until it was too late, and she turned away from her family for comfort and support (and poor judgment) with disastrous results.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction to substances or processes (gambling, under-eating, excessive gym time?), it is never too late to ask for help. The work is often difficult and frequently uncomfortable. I may be able to help. Learning and healing may take some time, but the joys of the restoration of family can be priceless. Call or text me at 561-213-8030 or email me at jdlmhc@gmail.com for a consultation.

Face Relationship and Marriage Problems With Support: Relationship Therapy in Delray Beach

It’s not easy to ask, “Am I the problem?”—but that question can be the first step toward real change. Recognizing your role in relationship challenges doesn’t mean taking all the blame. It means reclaiming your power to create healthier patterns. Through relationship therapy, you can gain insight into how your behaviors, emotions, and communication styles impact your connections, and learn how to replace self-criticism with growth and understanding.

At my Delray Beach counseling practice, I help clients identify emotional triggers, rebuild trust, and communicate with greater authenticity and confidence. Together, we’ll focus on developing empathy, repairing emotional distance, and creating lasting balance in your relationships.

Here’s how you can begin your path toward self-awareness and relational healing:

• 1. Explore your relationship patterns in a supportive, nonjudgmental setting—schedule your first consultation today.
• 2. Learn effective tools for conflict resolution, self-regulation, and emotional openness with guidance from a relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL.
• 3. Build stronger, healthier connections grounded in accountability, compassion, and genuine understanding.

Other Therapy Services I Provide in Florida

If you’ve realized that your relationship challenges are affecting your overall well-being, therapy can help you move beyond frustration and into understanding. By addressing the emotional roots of your struggles—whether tied to anxiety, past trauma, or communication breakdowns—you can begin to create stronger, more authentic relationships. My goal in my relationship counseling practice in Delray Beach is to help you build self-awareness and emotional balance that positively impacts every area of your life.

Alongside relationship therapy, I provide a full range of mental health services for individuals, couples, and families. I offer both in-person and online therapy sessions, addressing issues such as addiction recovery, parenting coaching, and ongoing couples’ conflicts. I also specialize in anxiety therapy, trauma recovery, infidelity counseling, and treatment for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and other complex relational patterns.

My approach is integrative and client-centered, combining evidence-based methods such as EMDR, CBT, Gestalt therapy, mindfulness, psychodrama, and clinical hypnosis. I also support clients coping with loss, spiritual questions, or attention-related challenges like ADD/ADHD. Visit my counseling blog for more insight, or reach out today to schedule a personalized session designed to help you grow, heal, and reconnect.

About the Author

John Davis, LMHC, is a highly regarded marriage and relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL, helping couples and families navigate challenges such as conflict, emotional distance, and communication breakdowns. Drawing from a background in child and family therapy, John understands how early relational experiences influence adult partnerships—and how couples can learn to reconnect with empathy, trust, and respect.

His trauma-informed approach blends EMDR, CBT, Gestalt therapy, mindfulness, and psychodrama, offering clients a personalized path toward emotional healing and relational balance. Whether working with couples in crisis or partners seeking to strengthen their bond, John helps clients rebuild intimacy, improve emotional safety, and cultivate long-term connection.

As the Executive Director of the Mental Health Counselors’ Association of Palm Beach and recipient of the Outstanding Community Service Award, John is recognized for his dedication to the mental health field. Featured as an expert marriage counselor on StayMarriedFlorida.com, he continues to empower couples to grow stronger, more resilient, and more deeply connected.