I have a great relationship with my wife. We are best friends and partners and have lived side by side in our same small house for many years. We sat beside the pool at the day’s end some time ago. “You know you talk over me?” she said. The sun was setting gently through the green palms, disappearing below the edge of our fence. Warm autumn breezes swayed the palm trees and rocked the bell chimes near us just enough to announce their presence with music. During a perfect evening, I was caught off guard, to say the least. I had not noticed that I was speaking in an elevated fashion and maybe a bit too loudly to be off-putting to her.

Since childhood, I’ve often been self-conscious when speaking. Ideas flood my sometimes too active brain. I then race to describe the experiences and tell the stories as they unfold in my mind. I think this is related to a long, undiagnosed condition of ADHD. Or even mild Asperger’s that I’ve managed all my life. I now know this as a form of “pressured speech.” I’ve observed a variety of expressions of this condition during relationship counseling sessions. But I never thought I’d be called out for being offensive. And so, it felt like a sharp slap when my wife so abruptly called me out.

Are Apologies Necessary In A Relationship?

Truth told, we’ve had some practice. Through many years of therapy, especially a style of communicating called “Imago”, we’ve learned to accept feedback from each other, even when it rises to the level of “startling”, as it did that afternoon. I had to take a breath and carefully manage my initial reaction of anger. I was offended. My ego rose to defend me. I wasn’t sure what to say for a moment or two.

And then, swallowing my pride, I quickly apologized. “I’m sorry”, I said. “I love you, and I never want you to feel that you aren’t being heard.” After a few minutes, I thanked her. I admitted I’d been insensitive. This exchange was brief because both of us stayed present. We set boundaries and told our truths without complicating things with old, unfinished business. The mood shifted, of course. I think we were both grateful that we were able to speak so truthfully with each other “in the moment” and get past it. Things get easier all around after moments like this. We both look back on it as a breakthrough.

Occasionally, though, we fail to rise to the occasion. As a relationship therapist, I know that a moment like this can turn sour and cold if we’ve been nourishing a grudge of some kind, related to it or not. There have been times we stayed distant for some time, not willing to talk or allow our vulnerability. I’m glad to say we don’t go nearly as long without each other as we used to.

Why Shouldn’t You Bring Up The Past In Arguments?

“Staying current” is a phrase I use frequently with couples when we talk about relationship repair at my Delray Beach therapy practice. It means doing our best to quickly address issues that come between us. It also means spending the needed time to process what’s going on with our thoughts and feelings. Of course, occasionally we may find that some old injury or insult is still hanging around, causing hard feelings because it may never have been dealt with at the time. Resentments can linger in a relationship and cause us to hold back. And even stay angry. Asking for the behavior of your partner to change to better suit you both is a critical skill to develop. This is especially if you’ve been together for a long time.

In the freshness of new love, it’s easy to believe that everything about the other person is perfect. Country singer Ricky Skaggs sings “I Wouldn’t Change You if I Could”. This early period of romantic love is essential for bringing us together with passion and energy. Early on, our sexuality can be robust and effortless for the purpose of strongly binding us and producing children. It’s in our nature. We look for confirmation that our partner is just right for us and flawless. This is a mirage. After a few years, this white-hot engagement must give way to daily living. We can still live passionately, even after childbirth brings a family. But critical to recognize is the reality that sometimes, I just don’t like your behavior! What now? Is healing your relationship possible?

Relationship Peace Is Possible: Thoughts From A Delray Therapist

We must be courageous enough to ask for what we need in a relationship, even if the other person has difficulty hearing it. Terry Real, author and couples’ therapist, in his book “Us’ uses the term “fierce intimacy” to describe the nature of relationships that thrive on staying in the present moment with truthfulness with our partners. This kind of work represents a high level of maturity and satisfaction within a couple and takes patience and work on the part of both parties simultaneously. This is the kind of groundwork and skill that is built during couples therapy and relationship counseling.

Achieve Open Communication Through Relationship Therapy In Delray Beach, FL

Making lasting change in a relationship takes more than just time—it takes intention, insight, and support. Whether you’re working to repair a strained connection or shift harmful behavior patterns, relationship counseling can help you move from conflict to clarity. As a relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL, I provide a structured, compassionate space to explore what’s not working and discover healthier ways to communicate, connect, and grow—both individually and together.

Here’s how to take the next step toward lasting change:

1. Begin the repair process with expert guidance by scheduling a time for us to start working together.
2. Learn practical tools for behavior change that support emotional safety, trust, and accountability at my Delray Beach therapy practice.
3. Break free from old patterns and build a relationship that reflects mutual respect, growth, and healing.

Other Therapy Services I Offer In Florida

If you’re facing recurring relationship struggles or trying to change destructive patterns, relationship therapy can provide the tools and support you need to break the cycle and build a more secure, connected bond. Through guided sessions, you can gain insight into underlying dynamics, improve communication, and begin creating lasting, positive change.

In addition to relationship counseling, my Delray Beach, FL, practice offers a wide array of services to support emotional and psychological wellness. I work with clients both in person and online, addressing challenges such as addiction, parenting difficulties, and couples conflict. I also provide therapy for anxiety, trauma, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and other long-standing issues that affect relational health.

My approach is integrative and personalized, incorporating techniques such as EMDR, CBT, Gestalt therapy, mindfulness, psychodrama, and clinical hypnosis. I also offer support for grief, spiritual concerns, and ADD/ADHD management. To explore your options or schedule a session, I welcome you to visit my therapy blog or contact me directly.

About The Author

John Davis is an experienced therapist specializing in marriage, family, and relationship counseling, dedicated to helping individuals, couples, and families work through the challenges of connection, conflict, and repair. His focus in relationship therapy includes helping clients navigate trust issues, emotional disconnection, infidelity, and long-standing communication breakdowns. With a strong foundation in child and family therapy, John understands how early relational experiences influence adult behavior and relationship dynamics.

Using a personalized and trauma-informed approach, John incorporates therapeutic techniques such as EMDR, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), psychodrama, and mindfulness to support emotional healing and behavior change. He is especially skilled at working with high-conflict couples and families, guiding them toward healthier communication and greater emotional resilience. As Executive Director of the Mental Health Counselor’s Association of Palm Beach and recipient of the 2020 Outstanding Community Service Award, John is a trusted leader in his field. His work helps clients rebuild connection, strengthen boundaries, and cultivate meaningful, lasting relationships.