Russ sat before me with tightly clasped hands and mild perspiration crossing his forehead. Sitting upright and stiffly, he was anxious and wary of our first encounter. As he talked, he gazed out my window, making eye contact only briefly and rarely. It seemed he could manage his thoughts and expression by keeping some distance between us. I let him talk. “Can a marriage heal from infidelity?” he asked.
Throughout my years of providing relationship therapy, I rarely get such blunt questions upon opening, but there it was. He went on to tell me the painful story of the recent few months, during which he’d slept with a colleague on a business trip twice. Shock waves ensued upon the discovery of this liaison by his wife. She immediately moved out. For her, it was over. No talking.
Doubly painful for Russ, this was his second marriage. His first had ended in divorce after both lost interest and each refused to try and work it out. Now he found himself in somewhat familiar territory of an unraveling relationship, but this time compounded by infidelity.
Can A Marriage Survive Infidelity?
Studies show that about 30% to 60% of marriages do recover after cheating, though it really depends on the couple and the circumstances. Some research shows that around 60 to 75% of couples stay together after discovering infidelity, but not all of those relationships are actually healthy or truly healed. Closer to 30 to 50% of couples actually rebuild a strong, trusting relationship after cheating.
A lot of it comes down to things like whether cheating was a one-time thing or a long-term affair, how honest and remorseful the person who cheated is, how willing both people are to work through the pain, and whether they get professional help like therapy. It’s not easy, but many couples do come out on the other side with a stronger connection. I frequently work with couples struggling with infidelity issues in my Delray Beach counseling practice.
Why Divorce Isn’t Always The Answer
In my early training as a relationship therapist in Florida, I learned some valuable lessons about infidelity from the teachers and supervisors in my practicum, who were involved (at first, secretly) with each other during my tenure there! These couples had become friends as well as colleagues at the counseling center, and over time, these friendships gave way to intimate discussions outside their marriages for both. They ended up “swapping” partners along the way, in full view of the rest of the faculty and students. The senior staff were determined to make these painful lessons useful as “teachable experiences,” and with their full permission, we discussed these affairs during training days. It was most uncomfortable.
I came away from that trying season with some valuable insights. Infidelity brings new information into a marriage. New energy and experiences that, with perseverance, patience, and forgiveness, can actually strengthen the bond in a troubled relationship. Infidelity issues needn’t mean the end of a relationship, but can for the start of a new one. If we can learn from the painful experiences, we can grow stronger and more resilient. If we can understand some of the “whys”, if we can understand what was unknowingly missing and needed, or present and undesirable, we can discover new choices and open the possibility of authentic forgiveness.
What Is The Root Cause Of Infidelity?
For Russ, the “why” would become clearer during our work together, and it would take on a name: Asperger’s. Asperger’s used to be its own diagnosis, but now it’s considered part of the autism spectrum, specifically what they call “Level 1 Autism.” That basically means someone might need some support socially, but is otherwise independent.
People with Asperger’s usually have average or above-average intelligence, no major speech delays, but they might have a tough time with social stuff, like reading body language, small talk, or knowing what’s expected in a conversation. They often have very specific interests they’re really into, and they might prefer routines or structure. Change can be tough, and things like loud noises or certain textures might be overwhelming.
It’s not something that needs to be “fixed.” It’s just a different way of experiencing the world. A lot of people with Asperger’s have amazing strengths—they just thrive best when people understand and support how they think and communicate. Intimate relationships can be especially challenging.
Infidelity & Unresolved Issues
The struggle for Russ showed itself early in his life. Misunderstood by his family, especially his father, he became self-sufficient early, holding down jobs from the age of 14 and even occasionally contributing to the support of his family. He excelled at figuring out things, especially technical problems like mechanics or computers, often staying up all hours to learn the minutiae of bicycles and washing machines. Socially, he was mostly unengaged and found solace in the privacy of his room.
At school, Russ skirted the edges of social groups and found connecting difficult. Russ sought counseling in college because he felt lonely, and in one session, his therapist suggested that he might be “neurodivergent”. It means someone’s brain works differently from what’s considered “typical.” That includes things like autism (which Asperger’s falls under), ADHD, dyslexia, and a few others. So, people who would’ve been diagnosed with Asperger’s are absolutely part of the neurodivergent community.
Neurodivergent is not a bad thing; it just means one’s brain processes the world in a unique way. Many neurodivergent people bring different strengths to the table, especially in areas like problem-solving, creativity, or deep focus on certain topics.
Infidelity & Neurodivergence
Russ would eventually be elevated to high levels of professional success, managing large health care companies and leveraging his considerable creativity and “out of the box” thinking to rise in the corporate ranks.
And while he was handsomely paid, he still struggled emotionally. Connecting with people and understanding the subtle language of emotional intelligence were his great dilemmas.
When his first marriage ended in divorce, he “rebounded” quickly with a younger partner, only to continue re-creating habits of isolation and social distancing. In this new marriage, sexual competency and professional success made the relationship sustainable but empty of intimate contact. His strengths had masked a deep and unrequited longing for intimacy that he found himself unable to describe.
“I just wanted to be seen for who I was without constant criticism and judgment,” he would say. His affair partner provided just such an opening, and he began relying on her for support. His painful outside liaison would be a wake-up call, both for him and his wife. This time, they both agreed to stay and repair the relationship.
Russ and his wife have stayed together and continue to build their relationship one day at a time. It hasn’t been easy for either. Though relationship counseling is invaluable, individual therapy for both has worked out well. Asperger’s remains a challenge for Russ, but one he’s begun to understand. We call it his “superpower” because it gives him a rare perspective of expertise, now not only in business but at home.
Will Infidelity Pain Ever Go Away?
Healing from infidelity is tough; there’s no way around it. Whether you were the one betrayed or the one who hurt someone else, it shakes your sense of safety, love, and trust. But healing is possible. It just takes time, honesty, and a lot of emotional work.
If you were the one who was cheated on, you’re probably feeling everything all at once—anger, sadness, confusion, maybe even shame. That’s normal. Let yourself feel it. Don’t try to rush to “get over it” or make big decisions right away. You don’t have to figure it all out today. What matters most right now is taking care of yourself. Talk to people who love you. Set boundaries if you need space. And remember, it’s okay to ask questions if you’re staying—your need for clarity and safety is valid.
If you’re the one who broke the trust, the most important thing is to take full responsibility without making excuses. That means being honest—not just once, but consistently, and understanding how deeply your actions affected the other person. They’re going to have intense emotions, and that’s not something you can control or rush. The best thing you can do is show, through your actions over time, that you’re willing to rebuild what was lost. That includes being transparent, patient, and open to getting help.
Healing After Infidelity Takes Commitment
If you’re both trying to stay together and heal emotional wounds the infidelity caused, it’s going to take real work. You’ll need to talk about betrayal, most helpfully with a relationship therapist to guide the conversation, and go deeper into what was happening beneath the surface in the relationship. You’ll also have to slowly start building back trust, which means making small, consistent choices that show care, honesty, and respect.
And if you’re healing on your own—because you left or the other person did—that comes with its own kind of heartbreak. You might feel alone or unsure of what comes next. That’s okay. It’s a long road, but little by little, you’ll rebuild your confidence and sense of self. You’ll learn how to trust again—not just others, but yourself.
Final Thoughts From A Relationship Therapist in Delray Beach
If you or someone you love is struggling to understand infidelity and how it’s changed or damaged your relationship, contact me. The odds might just be in your favor.
For a deeper dive into Asperger’s, there are two books I’d like to recommend. Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s and Switched On: Brain Change and Emotional Awakening by John Elder Robison. The second book is a fascinating journey through Robison’s experiences and success at Harvard with EMDR.
Heal & Move Forward With Relationship Counseling In Florida
Rebuilding a relationship after infidelity is one of the most painful journeys a couple can face—but it’s also one of the most transformative. Relationship therapy offers a safe, guided space to process betrayal, rebuild trust, and learn new ways to connect emotionally and honestly. If you’re feeling lost, uncertain, or stuck in patterns of pain, meeting with me at my Delray Beach counseling practice can help you find a path forward, with or without the relationship as it once was.
Here’s how to take the next step toward healing:
- If you’re ready to move forward, reach out today to schedule a session at my Florida practice.
- Begin the process of rebuilding trust and safety with the help of a skilled relationship therapist in Delray Beach.
- Gain insight into your emotional patterns and learn how to communicate from a place of truth, not trauma.
Other Services I Offer At My Delray Beach Therapy Practice
If you’re working to heal after infidelity, relationship counseling in Delray Beach, FL, can help you process the pain, rebuild trust, and gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner, leading to greater clarity, emotional resilience, and healthier future connections.
Alongside relationship therapy, I offer a broad range of counseling services in Florida designed to support your mental and emotional health. Whether you prefer face-to-face sessions or the flexibility of online appointments, I work with clients on issues such as addiction recovery, parenting support, and couples counseling. I also address concerns related to trauma, anxiety, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and more.
My practice includes support for grief and loss, spiritual exploration, and managing ADD/ADHD. I use a customized, integrative approach tailored to each client’s needs, drawing from methods like EMDR, CBT, Gestalt, mindfulness, psychodrama, and clinical hypnosis. To learn more or book a session, visit my therapy blog or reach out directly to schedule an appointment.
About The Author
John Davis is a seasoned marriage, family, and relationship therapist who specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families navigate the complexities of human connection. His work in relationship therapy focuses on resolving deep-rooted conflict, rebuilding trust, and fostering healthier communication, especially in the aftermath of emotional wounds like infidelity, betrayal, or unresolved trauma. With a background in child and family therapy, John brings a comprehensive understanding of how early dynamics and emotional patterns shape adult relationships.
Drawing on methods such as EMDR, CBT, psychodrama, and mindfulness, John tailors his approach to support meaningful, lasting change. He is known for guiding clients through high-conflict dynamics with empathy and structure. As Executive Director of the Mental Health Counselor’s Association of Palm Beach and winner of the 2020 Outstanding Community Service Award, John is a respected voice in the field. His integrative, trauma-informed work empowers clients to restore clarity, emotional safety, and genuine connection in their relationships.