I’ve built a strong reputation in my local area here in Delray Beach as a therapist specializing in relationship therapy, especially pre-marital relationships. In the story that follows, the names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or situations, past or present, is purely coincidental.

What Happens When Relationship Expectations Aren’t Discussed?

Lena found my Delray Beach counseling practice online, as most clients do, and said she was encouraged by the many positive reviews she saw on my Google business page. I usually reach out for a brief phone chat prior to scheduling, but we’d both been too busy. We just never were able to connect. We made an appointment for the end of the week. She was accompanied by Carl on the day we finally met. Rain blew in sheets as the summer storm darkened the sky. Thunder occasionally broke the quiet of my suite. The tension between them was palpable when we shook hands in the waiting room. I got the feeling this would be a difficult meeting. I wasn’t disappointed.

“She’s taking advantage of me!” he nearly shouted when the first quiet moment came. “She used my credit card all over Jamaica,” he said. “I never said she could!” Carl was 45 and solidly built. Daily workouts had kept him lean, and he seemed to take pride in his powerful, exposed forearms.

He barely controlled his anger, and his speech was pressured. His tone was bordering on threatening but contained an alternating mixture of softness and menace. Mostly, he was incensed that he believed he’d been taken advantage of.

How Can Partners Avoid Disappointment?

Lena’s tears came early. His scolding had touched a nerve, and she began her explanation with a mixture of sadness and hostility. They’d been dating for a year. It took a bit of careful probing to find out that they’d met online at a dating website called “Seeking Arrangements”. Now called simply “Seeking”, the site has a history of promoting “sugar daddy” matchups, or convenient “hookups”. There is commentary on Reddit that is less than flattering, and most other reviews reveal that it’s pretty blatantly encouraging prostitution. It was from this nefarious environment that Lena and Carl began.

Telling their story through her tears, Lena seemed to want a romantic relationship at the beginning, but found it hard to talk about with Carl. Unfamiliar as she was with American culture, she’d recently moved here from Ukraine. She described how hard she worked cleaning his house and managing his affairs. “I do anything and everything for you,” she said in exasperation. “How could you be so ungrateful?” she asked. She reported several phone altercations in which he kept shouting at her that “he could get any woman he wanted” and that “she shouldn’t treat him like a bank”.

The more they talked, the farther apart they grew right before me. I got the sense that this was the most honest talking they’d done since their start. This awful exchange revealed a deep hopelessness in this couple who’d been basing their relationship on using each other. I learned that afternoon that, at least early on, he had been getting lots of sex. She had been getting financial security.

Relationship and Marriage Expectations: Can It Work?

If both partners agree, it’s possible to build a relationship in which one pays for everything, in exchange for work or “sweat equity” on the part of the other. But if expectations are off, or if not clearly spoken up front, this can become an unsavory dance and a very hurtful one. Are we in this for love? Do we expect long-term success? Are we willing to sacrifice for each other and learn to delay gratification in times of adversity? The famous author and therapist, Dr Patrick Carnes, advises in his excellent book: Don’t Call it Love.

What Is the Girlfriend Experience?

I’ve worked with this type of relationship often in my years as a relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL. It’s often called the “Girlfriend Experience” or GFE.

When people talk about GFE — the “girlfriend experience” where a guy pays for sex plus affection — the greatest challenge is that it blurs the line between true intimacy and something that’s being purchased. The relationship is built on transactions, but it’s designed to give the illusion of a relationship. Both partners can end up confusing paid affection with the real thing. And because it substitutes for the real work of loving, it can become addictive.

Imbalance of Power In a Relationship

Because money plays an outsized role, the political dynamic isn’t equal. One person is paying, the other is performing acts suggestive of intimacy, even if they don’t feel it. This can lead to misunderstanding at best. At worst, it can create a dangerous power imbalance, and sometimes both partners get hurt. The guy might become emotionally attached to someone who’s only “into him” as part of the job, while the provider might feel pressured to keep up the act beyond their comfort.

Boundaries around money and performance become blurred and must be ceaselessly negotiated. In the case of Lena and Carl, it became painfully clear that she couldn’t survive without his money. Because he’d practiced this dark art of “pay for play” so long, he was without the social skills of a real relationship.

Unforeseen Relationship Implications

The worst drawback, in my opinion, is excessive dependency. Partners start to rely on these arrangements for affection and comfort, which can make it harder to build real relationships outside of the paid ones. Relationship skills like deep listening and patience begin to erode, and the result is a profound loneliness. Adding to this the social stigma usually associated with sex work, and the effect is secrecy, shame, and isolation.

At the end of the day, GFE is still a performance. Though the sex can often feel warm and genuine in the moment, it’s not the same as having a partner who’s there by choice rather than payment. That doesn’t mean it’s always harmful or destructive behavior. Some providers and clients handle it respectfully, but the risk is that people chase the feeling of love without ever getting the real thing. The most destructive aspect is the differences in expectations that are part and parcel of this kind of shallow relationship.

Love is Within Reach: Final Thoughts From a Relationship Therapist in Delray Beach

Carl and Lena remain in my practice. I am inspired by their persistence and determination. And especially their patience. I’ve seen them about twice monthly lately, and they are courageously taking apart their failures and striving hard to stay engaged in real dialogue. They have demonstrated a surprising richness and an unexpected resilience beyond their first meetings. They are both discovering their deep grief over the fear of losing each other and regretting how they began. Over time, and with carefully structured new tools of dialogue, they are learning to appreciate each other. A new respect seems to exist between them. It is a remarkable experience to accompany them on this journey.

If you or someone you love has found your expectations wildly out of line in your relationship and you struggle to be happy, I may be able to help. Learning and healing may take some time, but the joys can be priceless. Call or text me at 561-213-8030 or email me at jdlmhc@gmail.com for a consultation.

Manage Healthy Expectations Through Relationship Therapy in Delray Beach, FL

The idea of the “girlfriend experience” can create unrealistic expectations that lead to disappointment, misunderstandings, emotional distance, and various other problems in relationships. When one partner feels pressured to fulfill an idealized role instead of being seen as a whole person, it can strain trust and connection. Relationship therapy provides a safe space to explore these expectations, understand where they come from, and replace them with healthier, more balanced ways of loving and relating.

At my Delray Beach counseling practice, I help clients untangle the pressure of unrealistic ideals and build relationships rooted in respect, authenticity, and mutual understanding. Here’s how to start creating healthier, more connected love:

• 1. Explore relationship expectations in a safe, judgment-free environment once you schedule your first therapy session.
• 2. Learn practical tools for balancing romantic desire with emotional authenticity through the guidance of an experienced relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL.
• 3. Develop deeper intimacy and trust by creating a relationship grounded in honesty, respect, and realistic emotional connection.

Other Therapy Services I Provide in Delray Beach, Florida

Unrealistic expectations in relationships often come from past experiences, societal pressures, or old emotional wounds. Through relationship therapy, I help clients untangle these influences, set healthier standards for love, and create more authentic, fulfilling connections. If you’ve struggled with pressure to “be enough” or have felt drained by trying to meet impossible ideals, therapy can help you find clarity and emotional freedom.

Beyond supporting clients with relationship expectations, my Delray Beach, FL therapy practice offers a full range of mental health services. I work with clients both in person and online, addressing challenges such as anxiety, trauma recovery, addiction, parenting struggles, and couples issues. I also provide therapy for infidelity, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and long-standing relational stress that impacts emotional well-being.

My approach is highly personalized and integrative, using evidence-based methods like CBT, EMDR, Gestalt therapy, mindfulness, psychodrama, and clinical hypnosis. Additional support includes grief counseling, spiritual exploration, and ADHD/ADD treatment. To learn more, visit my counseling blog or reach out to my office directly.

About the Author

John Davis, LMHC, is an experienced relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL, specializing in helping individuals and couples navigate the pressures and unrealistic expectations that often disrupt healthy love. With a strong background in marriage, family, and relationship therapy, John helps clients identify patterns that undermine intimacy and teaches them how to create balanced, authentic connections. His trauma-informed approach blends proven methods such as EMDR, CBT, mindfulness, and psychodrama to support emotional healing and lasting behavior change.

John has worked extensively with those struggling to meet idealized relationship standards, guiding them toward healthier boundaries, self-awareness, and a deeper connection with their partners. As Executive Director of the Mental Health Counselors’ Association of Palm Beach and recipient of the Outstanding Community Service Award, John is recognized as a leader in the mental health field. He is also an expert marriage counselor featured on StayMarriedFlorida.com. His insights help couples strengthen trust, improve communication, and manage relationship expectations with clarity and compassion.