We give away our power in relationships for many reasons, most of which lie below our conscious awareness. From a desire for approval to an idealization of our partner, we can allow our needs to become so intertwined with our relationships that the power shifts. And eventually, we lose our sense of self. I see many origins of power imbalances in relationship counseling sessions, some of which I explore below.

1. Fear of Abandonment

We worry that if we assert ourselves, set boundaries, or say “no,” the other person will leave. So, we sacrifice our own needs to keep the connection. So many of us have learned to be pleasing in relationships. Of course, there is some reasonableness to this behavior. Our ancestors developed “kin” relationships in the tribe in order to foster harmony. This contributed to the strength of the group. We learned to be careful of causing displeasing reactions from anyone in a close circle upon whom we depended for survival.

In healthy families, children learn an appropriate balance between pleasing and speaking up. Children’s worst fears are that they will be left behind if they are anything less than pleasing. Childhood trauma can result from parents who were scarcely present in their children’s lives. Or, those who habitually left the child with untrustworthy caregivers or alone. Many modern marriages are dysfunctional because of this dynamic. One party (usually the female) hides her feelings and fails to speak up in order to “empower” their spouse to favor them. This can feel like protection if the recessive partner has grown up facing the adversity of abandonment.

I often hear clients reporting that they feel “abandoned.” While these feelings are real and honest, they come from childhood memories of being left behind when they had no choice. Adults have choices. Adults are often “left behind”. It can be a confusing mix of emotions when traumatic memories surface, during breakups, for example. All of the urgent childhood fears rise into the relationship.

2. Low Self-Worth

If we don’t believe we deserve respect, love, or equality, we might over-give or over-compromise in hopes of “earning” the relationship. Carrying memories of adult caregivers who continuously criticized us is common. Especially in relationships that are fed by an imbalance of power. As a relationship therapist in Delray Beach, I often hear language resonant with these distorted beliefs.

In the painful stories that follow, the names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or situations, past or present, is purely coincidental.

Power Imbalances Learned in Childhood

Stan came to me after throwing his mother out of his home on Father’s Day. In an effort to heal from lasting family wounds, he told her to leave and not to return. She’d kept up a steady stream of vitriol his entire life, containing harsh criticisms and comparisons to higher-performing siblings or friends. Eventually, she’d even stooped to insidious conversations with Stan’s children in which she disparaged him, trying to elevate herself. She’d grown up with an equally abusive mother and an absent father. She learned early on that in order to feel powerful and in control, she should abuse and talk down to those closest to her.

“She’s a vulgar narcissist,” Stan said on our first visit. “I’ve had it! I’m done trying to placate and play the fool in the face of her abuse”. He shut her out completely for the next months as we worked together unravelling the seriousness of the pressure she’d placed on him to always “be better”. He could never live up to her unrelenting standards. Stan hadn’t given up his power. It had been taken from him forcefully. Ironically, Stan was a powerful guy, but in ways that undermined his approach and his ability to sustain close relationships at work and at home.

In Stan’s presence, I often felt a little “bullied” and talked over. His pressured speech seemed to be a symptom of the highly anxious life he’d lived under his mother’s control. He spoke quickly and forcefully, leaving little room for interaction as if he had a point to make and was determined to carry it out. He had spent years trying to “get his power back”, as his mother’s voice and messages rattled around in his head. Echoes of our parents are always common and are called “parental introjects”.

How Relationship Therapy Restores Balance

While not always bad, these messages from our early life can contain subtle, self-limiting beliefs that can disrupt relationships and create depression and anxiety. Therapy, like that in my Delray Beach counseling practice, can unearth these beliefs by making them conscious. As we explore these self-limitations, we can identify a range of choices for alternate, more mentally healthy behavior.

Stan became a happier, more relaxed guy who enjoyed our weekly work. It was almost as if he needed “permission” to stand his ground with his mother, and when he did, he began to change. Remarkably, he recognized how much he wanted to retire and let go of the day-to-day management of his company. He’d been amassing wealth as a way to prove he was good enough. When he was able to understand this and come to terms with his feelings around it, it was as if the lights came on.

3. Conflict Avoidance

Some give away power just to “keep the peace.” It feels safer to stay quiet or give in than to risk tension or an argument. In his remarkable book “Rethinking Narcissism”, Craig Malkin explores this dynamic of giving away our power in hopes of creating a stable, conflict-free home. Malkin describes a continuum upon which we all live, from Narcissistic to what he calls “Echoistic”.

He relates the Greek myth of Echo, who couldn’t use her own voice because another God had punished her. When she met Narcissus and tried getting his attention, she couldn’t, partly because he was obsessed with his own image, but chiefly because she couldn’t raise her voice. The Narcissist, of course, speaks forcefully in their own interest, and it can seem that they are “taking away” the voice of the other. On a milder scale, we might imagine that both are getting what they need to survive. There’s a little bit of these two dynamics in us all. But survival can give way to prosperity in relationships. We can change. The next couple did.

Uneven Relationship Power Dynamics

Ally and Vadim came to me after being married for 10 years with three young children, who were 10, 8, and 5. Vadim had emigrated to the US from Ukraine, where he’d been a soldier on the Russian front. Highly intelligent and verbal to the point of outspoken, he carried himself with a kind of military bearing. Lean and physically fit, he moved deliberately and talked often of “stoic” qualities he admired. He regarded feelings with disdain and encouraged his wife and kids to “be tougher”, even in awkward social settings.

Ally, a schoolteacher, was shy and reticent. With an endearing smile and a warm demeanor, she was the opposite of her husband. They came to therapy to sort out the politics in their home, which had begun to feel oppressive to Ally. “It’s always his way or nothing,” she would say. “Even in the bedroom, I don’t feel secure saying no”. “It’s always his way around the children and our home, and I feel powerless!”.

Communication Tools Learned in Counseling

I have been surprised at the resilience and the optimism of these two. Gradually, with the help of some conversational tools learned in relationship counseling, they began to open to each other, sharing their family of origin backgrounds and allowing a different, kinder space to open between them. Slowing down to listen more skillfully and recognizing that each had come into the relationship with love and good intentions.

Ally began to speak up. Uncomfortable at first, she learned gradually to raise issues with diplomacy and patience, asking for change in ways that Vadim could understand and tolerate. He began to listen more carefully under my guidance, and I was surprised at his sense of humor that emerged as he understood Ally more and more. I’ve rarely worked with a more pleasant couple determined to improve their relationship with each other and their family.

There is Hope: Final Thoughts From a Relationship Therapist in Delray Beach

If you or someone you love is struggling with power imbalances in your relationships, it is never too late to ask for help. Learning to speak up and also to listen carefully are like the “yin and yang” of skillful loving. The work is often difficult and frequently uncomfortable.

I may be able to help. Learning and healing may take some time, but the joys of finding greater ease in relationships can be priceless. Call or text me at 561-213-8030 or email me at jdlmhc@gmail.com for a consultation.

Restore Balance Through Relationship Therapy in Delray Beach, FL

When one person holds more power in a relationship—emotionally, financially, or even psychologically—it can quietly erode trust, connection, and self-worth. Relationship therapy helps partners recognize these imbalances, communicate needs more effectively, and rebuild a sense of mutual respect and equality. At my counseling practice in Delray Beach, FL, I guide couples and individuals through the process of identifying unhealthy dynamics and creating healthier patterns of relating.

Here’s how you can begin restoring balance and emotional safety in your relationship:

• 1. Explore how power dynamics may be shaping your relationship when you schedule a confidential consultation at my office.
• 2. Learn practical strategies for communication, boundary-setting, and rebuilding mutual trust with help from an experienced relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL.
• 3. Begin cultivating a partnership built on equality, emotional connection, and lasting respect.

Other Therapy Services John Davis Offers In Florida

If you’re navigating relationship power struggles, relationship therapy can help you move toward clarity, confidence, and emotional stability. Through a compassionate and structured approach, you can learn to identify unhealthy dynamics, build communication skills, and restore a stronger sense of self within your relationships.

In addition to relationship counseling, my Delray Beach, FL practice provides a full range of mental health services to support both personal and relational growth. I offer in-person and online sessions for clients dealing with challenges such as anxiety, trauma, addiction recovery, parenting stress, infidelity, and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Many clients also seek guidance for unexpected loss, spiritual concerns, or navigating major life transitions.

Each session is customized using an integrative therapy approach, combining techniques such as CBT, EMDR, Gestalt therapy, mindfulness, psychodrama, and clinical hypnosis. My goal is to help you build resilience, emotional awareness, and the confidence to form more balanced, authentic connections. Visit my counseling blog to learn more about my therapy services, and contact my office directly when you’re ready to schedule your first session.

About the Author

John Davis, LMHC, is a seasoned relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL, who specializes in helping couples and families restore balance, trust, and healthy communication. With decades of experience in marriage and family therapy, John guides clients through challenges like power imbalances, emotional disconnection, and long-standing relational patterns that create strain within relationships.

His therapeutic work integrates trauma-informed methods such as EMDR, CBT, Gestalt therapy, mindfulness, and psychodrama, allowing him to tailor each session to meet the unique emotional needs of his clients. John’s approach empowers individuals and couples to rebuild mutual respect, set healthy boundaries, and foster emotional resilience.

As the Executive Director of the Mental Health Counselors’ Association of Palm Beach and a recipient of the Outstanding Community Service Award, John is recognized for his leadership in the field. He’s also featured as an expert marriage counselor on StayMarriedFlorida.com. His insights continue to help couples and families strengthen their relationships and achieve lasting harmony.