I am privileged to meet some amazing partners working in my field of relationship counseling for so long. I’m often struck by how especially resilient and connected some older couples remain, despite lifelong differences and life challenges such as aging, illness, difficult children, and finances.

The most rewarding sessions in my Delray Beach, FL, counseling practice are by far with older, more mature partners who’ve made it past early challenges and remain committed to truly loving and resolving dilemmas. In the story that follows, the names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or situations, past or present, is purely coincidental.

Expectations in a Happy Marriage: What Causes Relationship Issues?

James and Liz were facing the greatest challenge of their married life. They’d come to talk with me about tensions in their relationship related to retirement, but more importantly, about the emergence of difficulty related to menopause for Liz. Mysterious flashes of rising body temperature and a loss of sleep and appetite had been happening for months. But as she grew less interested in sexual intimacy, their relationship behavior began to founder, and arguments, once civil and productive, became bitter and never-ending.

James had retired for a year after teaching classes at the university, writing and publishing several award-winning textbooks on minerals and metals. A scientist by nature and education, he was the most interesting person. Trim and fit with a dapper appearance, he seemed happy with life at 72. It was evident in all our meetings that Liz was his life’s greatest joy. He looked at her with a special reverence as she told the painful history of her declining libido.

She wept quietly. “It isn’t you, you know,” she said. “You are still my James, and I love you. I’m just going through something I don’t understand. Can you be patient with me?” Her grief seemed to pierce him, and tears filled his eyes as well. “I’m here,” he said, “Just tell me where to stand”.

She’d been diligent with visits to her gynecologist, who’d helped her understand the lifestyle adjustments she’d have to undertake, including hormonal therapy to address hot flashes and vaginal dryness. With a strong dedication to maintaining their happy marriage, she was eager to learn about changes in diet, exercise, and sleep hygiene. A robust and healthy 71, she embraced the extra self-care to come. It was James that she was most concerned about. “I’ve never loved anyone else,” she said. “I can’t lose us now”.

Is the Relationship Love Fading, or Is It Actually Evolving?

Theirs was a rich and colorful story of lives intertwined since high school. He was a standout athlete and star of basketball and football teams as they graduated. She’d been somewhat “bookish” and wrote and edited the school newspaper and annual. By lucky coincidence, during one game, she filled in for the newspaper photographer and found James catching her eye and her camera lens. “I was smitten,” she said. “I had eyes for no other”. She blushed at the memory. They married during their first year in college.

Falling in love can feel wonderful and liberating. We long for our beloved. We don’t eat, and we lose sleep. Our moods become mercurial. Sexual satisfaction seems to be the meaning of life. Breaking away from our family of origin takes on a new urgency. But according to author and therapist Scott Peck in The Road Less Travelled, it doesn’t last. The dreamy glow and certainty of the early years are destined to give way. If partners are lucky and skillful, that “glow” is replaced by something far more durable and meaningful. I call it real love.

From Cathexis to Connection

Sigmund Freud introduced the term “cathexis” in his discussion of the libido, and simply put refers to the investment of mental or emotional energy in a person, object, or idea. Scott Peck co-opted these ideas later in his discussion of the transition from “falling in love” to what he describes as “real love”. He emphasizes that cathexis is not genuine love, but it is a form of attachment that occurs especially with a person. He maintains that it is this “cathexis” that brings us into intense sexual contact for the purpose of making children.

For Peck, the true love that replaces early connection in a happy marriage is an intentional act that goes beyond the emotional experience of cathexis. It involves conscious decisions to nurture another’s spiritual growth through commitment and action, even when the feeling of “falling in love” subsides. It is during this period of “fading love” that most partners grow discouraged and drift away from the relationship.

A Couple’s Relationship Tool Kit

Peck introduces us to a simple tool kit: delayed gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth, and balancing. He helps us understand that life is difficult because solving its problems is so very hard. It requires us to grow up, mature, and seek solutions with a clear mind. Delaying gratification is a necessary skill when we are trying to understand marital relationship problems. So often, I see partners turning to alcohol and drugs during this transition or over-involving themselves with work or hobbies and neglecting the relationship. We are each responsible for our share, much like partners in a dance, where each move is predicated on the other and the whole dance is a synthesis.

Dedication to truth can become difficult if I refuse feedback or refuse to see myself accurately, especially my character flaws. It doesn’t matter how great we think we are if our partner continuously has a disappointing experience with us. Author Craig Malkin, in his outstanding book Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists, points out our human tendency to judge ourselves better than we are in many realms. We must teach each other how to love us better. We must grow fearless about being authentic in the relationship. Feedback from our partners can bring us into balance by meeting our needs together and avoiding the pitfalls of blaming and criticism.

The Tool Kit in Action

This “tool kit” of relationship skills is simple to describe. But as an experienced relationship therapist, I recognize that it is challenging to implement for most partners. If we’ve practiced for many years like Liz and James, then the challenges we face are not so scary. Coming into relationship therapy is a way to acquire these tools and practice using them in a safe, nourishing environment. Through this practice, we begin to see each other more clearly and honestly and develop faith in each other and in the relationship. Together, we find ways to navigate adversity and, most importantly, find the life meaning concealed within it.

James and Liz continue to prosper. I see them now about once every couple of months for a “tune-up”. They’ve helped each other slow down and learn new tools of intimacy, connection, and even healthy boundaries. It has been a pleasure to walk along with them as they find new levels of getting to know each other and their relationship. The sessions of dark frustration are fewer. I’m often taken by surprise by their laughter and ease.

Working With a Relationship Therapist in Delray Beach

If you or someone you love has found themselves in a relationship that has grown stale and in need of rejuvenation, I may be able to help. Learning and healing may take some time, but the joys can be priceless. Call or text me at 561-213-8030 or email me at jdlmhc@gmail.com for a consultation.

I also encourage you to explore Part II of my Faded Love blog series: How to Tell If You’re the Problem in a Relationship.

Discover Effective Tools for Maintaining a Happy Marriage Through Relationship Counseling in Delray Beach, FL

Every marriage faces challenges, but when it starts to feel like the love is fading, it doesn’t have to mean the end. Relationship counseling can help couples uncover where the disconnection began, rebuild emotional intimacy, and strengthen communication before resentment or distance takes root.

At my Delray Beach therapy practice, I guide couples in rediscovering the connection that brought them together, teaching them the tools needed to create a partnership rooted in trust, understanding, and renewed affection.

Here’s how you can begin the process of rebuilding your marriage:

• 1. Discuss the stages of disconnection and learn how to reignite emotional closeness. Start the conversation by scheduling a consultation.
• 2. Develop healthy communication and conflict-resolution habits with help from an experienced relationship therapist in Delray Beach, FL.
• 3. Reconnect with your partner through empathy, shared goals, and a deeper appreciation for one another.

Other Therapy Services I Provide in Delray Beach, Florida

If you and your partner are struggling to reconnect or feel your relationship has lost its spark, relationship therapy in Delray Beach, FL, can help you rediscover the emotional depth and trust that once felt effortless. Through structured, compassionate sessions, you’ll learn how to identify patterns that create distance, communicate more effectively, and rebuild the foundation of your marriage with empathy and intention.

Beyond marriage and relationship counseling, my Delray Beach practice offers a comprehensive range of therapy services to support overall emotional wellness. Whether you prefer in-person sessions or online therapy, I work with clients facing challenges such as addiction recovery, anxiety, trauma, and parenting stress. I also specialize in addressing issues like infidelity, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and unresolved grief.

My therapeutic approach blends evidence-based techniques—including EMDR, CBT, Gestalt therapy, mindfulness, psychodrama, and clinical hypnosis—to create a plan that fits your needs. Additional services include spiritual counseling, support for ADD/ADHD, and guidance for navigating major life transitions. For more information, visit my counseling blog or reach out directly to my Delray Beach office.

About the Author

John Davis, LMHC, is an experienced marriage and relationship therapist based in Delray Beach, FL, dedicated to helping couples and families rebuild connection and trust after periods of distance or conflict. With a strong foundation in child and family therapy, John understands how early emotional patterns can influence adult relationships, and how partners can learn to communicate and connect in healthier ways.

His trauma-informed approach integrates evidence-based methods such as EMDR, CBT, Gestalt therapy, psychodrama, and mindfulness, allowing him to tailor therapy to each client’s unique needs. John specializes in helping couples rediscover intimacy, manage conflict with compassion, and restore emotional balance within their relationship.

As the Executive Director of the Mental Health Counselors’ Association of Palm Beach and recipient of the Outstanding Community Service Award, John is recognized for his leadership and commitment to promoting mental health awareness. He is also featured as an expert marriage counselor on StayMarriedFlorida.com. His work continues to empower couples to heal from emotional disconnection and create marriages grounded in understanding, respect, and lasting affection.