Key Takeaways
Anxiety can sometimes feel like it comes from nowhere, but past experiences may help explain why it shows up. Childhood trauma, abandonment fears, relationship patterns, and past stress can shape how you respond to uncertainty, closeness, or rejection as an adult. Through anxiety therapy in Delray Beach, FL, you can better understand these patterns, recognize emotional triggers, and develop healthier ways to respond. With greater insight, you can begin making choices that support stronger relationships and emotional well-being.
The Story Behind Anxiety That Seems to Have No Cause
Dan stepped cautiously into my private anxiety therapy office in downtown Delray Beach with a furtive glance around. Rain hammered the roof and windows. The dimly lit space felt warm and offered safety. Almost cat-like in his demeanor, Dan looked around a number of times before fully entering. He stood silently as I directed him toward my favorite overstuffed leather chair. He’d texted me asking for help with bouts of anxiety and issues of “hot anger” (a common dual diagnosis) and wanted me to know he’d recently re-entered recovery after some years of heavy drinking.
I’ll tell some of his story here, but first a disclaimer: Any client examples or clinical situations discussed in this blog have been altered, combined, or fictionalized to protect confidentiality. Names, identifying details, and circumstances are changed, and no example is intended to identify any current or former client.
Why Can Anxiety Feel Like It Comes From Nowhere?
Dan was tall and angular, and despite his thin frame, had great muscle tone for his 60 years. He’d been a semi-pro golfer for many years and retained a lean physique, naturally erect posture, and deep suntan. As he perched before me on the edge of his chair, hands intertwined with nervous energy, he slowly told his story and began to relax. “I was adopted,” he said without prompting. “I’ve always known I was abandoned”.
It’s important to carefully attend to the client’s conversational entry point, and this was no different. It was clear he’d said the most important thing in his life to a complete stranger. He wanted me to know. I wanted to know. He had feared rejection and abandonment all his life, and this had contributed to layers of anxiety expressed in ways he remained unconscious of. Putting the pieces together would bring Dan understanding and relief. These tender admissions, long held in privacy and secret, when revealed in a safe setting, would become liberating for Dan.
How Abandonment Fears Can Cause Anxiety
According to Life Stance Health, abandonment issues refer to chronic fears of being left, rejected, or emotionally abandoned by those closest to us. These fears aren’t just fleeting worries. They can be persistent, anxiety-inducing, and affect how someone behaves in relationships. They often originate from early experiences such as parental divorce or separation, loss of a caregiver, emotional neglect or inconsistency, or childhood trauma.
These experiences may plant the belief: “People I love will eventually leave me.” And when that belief goes unaddressed, it can show up in adult life as anxiety, mistrust, or dysfunctional relationship patterns.
Can Childhood Trauma Cause Anxiety in Adulthood?
Many adverse childhood experiences (ACE’s) were present at some time during Dan’s life. His thoughts, feelings, and behaviors had been affected by the memory of them throughout his life. Research shows that even a small number on an ACE score can correlate with significant maladjustment later in life, including physical as well as mental health.
How Unresolved Anxiety Can Affect Adult Relationships
When Dan’s anxiety counseling started, he was in a new relationship. Looking back on his history with women, he reported frustration with relationships throughout his life, creating and then leaving a series of serious, committed ones and moving on. “They just seemed to end by themselves,” he said. “After an initial period of happy times (and great sex) we just lost interest in staying and drifted apart.” He was eager to make this new relationship work but confessed it made him nervous, and he was determined to maintain his independence by living alone and refusing her invitations to move in together.
“I always felt abandoned when the relationships ended, “ he said. “I don’t want to go through that again. I’d rather have my freedom”. We agreed to take it slow and let this relationship evolve under different circumstances and with healthier boundaries around intimacy and personal space. Under the effects of complex trauma, we can misinterpret social and intimacy cues. I would encourage Dan to slow down, see the world as it really was, and solve problems that arose with care and mindful attention.
Dan had, indeed, been abandoned at birth. He never knew his birth mother and was grateful for the life created for him by his adoptive parents. “They saved my life,” he said, through tears. “I will always be thankful for them, and I love them still today”.
Why Might Your Body Feel Anxious Even When You Feel Safe?
Early experiences can affect us in ways we may not always recognize. In his well-known book The Body Keeps the Score, psychiatrist and researcher Bessel van der Kolk explores how trauma and early adversity can continue to influence the way people respond to stress later in life. For some people who were adopted, early separation from a birth parent may be one experience that shapes feelings around safety, connection, or loss.
Even when we are not consciously thinking about the past, certain situations can bring up strong emotional or physical reactions. We may become tense, anxious, or alert when something reminds us of an earlier experience of uncertainty or loss. Intimate relationships can be especially powerful triggers because closeness often involves vulnerability. As adults, we may sometimes react to conflict, distance, or rejection more strongly than the present situation seems to warrant. Dan reported serious bouts of depression, sadness, and anger.
How Fear of Abandonment Can Create a Cycle of Avoidance
Dan was fearful that serious, intimate relationships would eventually get beyond his control, come to a painful end, and hurt him. He was afraid he’d be overcome with grief and disappointment, much like he had as a child. And so, he established a pattern: “leaving first is better than getting left, which feels like abandonment”. Dan would leave in subtle ways long before the relationships formally ended. He’d remain on the golf course, long after time to return home, honing his game into an addiction. He’d stretch travel into needless extra days. After his son was born, he began drinking heavily and created a spiral of depression, unhappiness, and financial decline. Sitting in the bars, anesthetizing himself with alcohol, was much preferable to facing problems involved in keeping relationships alive and thriving. The birth of his son threw Dan into an even deeper spiral.
Why Can Old Trauma Resurface Years Later?
Traumatic memory often returns when we see our children born. Almost viscerally, we are reminded of how we felt to be that young and vulnerable. For Dan, he would have nightmares about being left out in an open field as it started to rain. Cold would set in; he’d shiver and begin to cry and then wake in a cold sweat. These episodes caused him to feel a kind of generalized anxiety that telegraphed into almost all of his life. Divorced from his son’s mother and feeling very alone, Dan drank heavily during this period and frequently used cannabis to fall asleep.
Anxiety Therapy Can Help You Understand What’s Beneath the Anxiety
Years later, Dan would reach out for help. He was referred to my anxiety therapy practice in Delray Beach by his AA sponsor. “I was desperate when you and I began”, he said. “I’d lost most of my friends, and my son had disowned me. I’d stopped drinking, but the anxiety persisted. I felt on edge all the time. I couldn’t sleep. I’ve never been through a period of lower self-confidence and fear.”
Dan’s journey has been a rewarding one, for both him and me. It’s been heartening to accompany him as he remains sober, and he’s begun to restore many old friendships he’d left behind. He’s found new work as a coach. He and his son are again talking.
Understanding the Root of Anxiety Can Create New Choices
As an anxiety therapist, I often help clients explore the narrative of their lives and how earlier experiences may still affect them today. This understanding can bring fresh insight into who we are and why we respond to the world as we do. Becoming aware of how early childhood trauma has shaped us can reveal choices we may never have realized were available. As adults, we have a far greater range of options than we did as children. What once may have been necessary for survival no longer has to determine how we live, relate, or respond today.
If you or someone you love is suffering from anxiety, regardless of its roots, you might benefit from professional help. Struggling with the kinds of difficulties described here, especially with substance abuse as a backdrop, can damage a person’s self-esteem. It can be liberating and empowering to ask for help. Anxiety therapy can create new paths to satisfying adult health and bring fresh success to difficult relationships. It’s a wise investment and may take time, but the payoff can be priceless.
I would love to help. Call or text me at 561-213-8030 or email me at jdlmhc@gmail.com for a consultation.
Ready to Discover What May Be Behind Your Anxiety? An Anxiety Therapist in Delray Beach Can Help
Feeling anxious when you cannot explain why can leave you questioning yourself and searching for answers. Anxiety therapy can help you look beneath the symptoms, understand what may be fueling them, and feel more confident in how you respond. Past experiences, emotional triggers, stress, or learned patterns may be affecting you even when the connection is not immediately clear. At my counseling practice in Delray Beach, FL, I provide a supportive space to explore these patterns and develop practical ways to manage anxiety with greater awareness and control.
Here’s how you can begin working toward greater clarity and relief:
- Explore what may be contributing to your anxiety in a private, judgment-free setting. Book a consultation to get started.
- Learn practical strategies for anxious thoughts and emotional triggers with support from an experienced anxiety therapist in Delray Beach, FL.
- Build greater confidence in your ability to respond to anxiety and move through daily life with more calm, understanding, and emotional balance.
Additional Services With John Davis Counseling in Delray Beach, FL
Anxiety therapy can help you understand why anxious thoughts, feelings, or physical reactions keep showing up, even when the cause is not obvious. With greater insight and practical coping skills, you can begin to feel more grounded and confident in how you handle anxiety. Sometimes anxiety is only one part of what you are experiencing. Trauma, grief, relationship problems, major life changes, or ongoing stress may also affect your emotional well-being. At my Delray Beach therapy practice, I offer relationship therapy, couples counseling, trauma therapy, and grief and loss counseling. I also provide support for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, ADD/ADHD, chronic impulsivity, mood disorders, and spiritual issues.
Additional services include parent support counseling, parenting consultation and coaching, and therapy for major life transitions. Your treatment is personalized around your concerns and goals. Depending on your needs, I may incorporate CBT, EMDR, Gestalt therapy, mindfulness, psychodrama, or clinical hypnosis into our work together. My goal is to help you better understand yourself, strengthen your ability to cope with difficult emotions, and create meaningful changes in your daily life. You can read client reviews and explore my blog for additional mental health resources, or contact my office to schedule a consultation.
About the Author
John Davis, LMHC, is an experienced anxiety therapist in Delray Beach, FL, who works with individuals, couples, and families. His background in child and family therapy gives him insight into how early experiences, relationship patterns, and life stress can contribute to anxiety later in life. This perspective is especially valuable when anxiety seems to appear without a clear reason. In anxiety therapy, John helps clients look beyond the immediate symptoms to better understand the experiences and patterns that may be contributing to fear, worry, or feeling constantly on edge.
His trauma-informed, integrative approach may include EMDR, CBT, Gestalt therapy, mindfulness, psychodrama, and clinical hypnosis. John serves as Executive Director of the Mental Health Counselors’ Association of Palm Beach and has received the Outstanding Community Service Award. He is also featured as an expert therapist on StayMarriedFlorida.com. Through his work, John helps clients gain greater insight into their anxiety, develop practical coping skills, and move toward a calmer, more confident way of navigating daily life.
