What makes the difference?  What makes the same physical experience of being alone satisfying sometimes, and depressing others?  Maybe you’ve lived through a lonely season or two.  I sure have.  Turbulent Big Life Events threaten to upset our equanimity and we worry and ruminate.  We obsess over things beyond our control.  We walk around fearful and can’t quite explain it to ourselves.  Sad?  Melancholy?  Blue?

And in different seasons, life is good and we welcome being alone.  We plan a retreat.  Get into the woods.  Spend a morning intentionally by ourselves “re-charging” our batteries.  Centered?  Grounded?  Clear?  Certainly, we’d prefer more of this version.  How do we turn loneliness into solitude?

A mentor of mine, the late Jo Blake, LMFT, suggested the answer to this question lies within.  She gestured with her open hand to her heart and asked: “How full is your cup?”  She explained that we have an awareness of how “full” or “empty” we are in any moment.  Author Virginia Satir, in her wonderful book People Making, called the lonely end of this spectrum “low-pot”.  Our “pot”, or “cup” is filled with self-care and involves good food, exercise, healthy self-talk, companionship, art, love-making, spiritual practice.  For many reasons, our cups, always “leaky” inevitably run low.  Our daily disciplines can keep it full.   This is the difference between loneliness and solitude.