Solitude

Rest for Monkey Mind

April 10th, 2013

There’s a word for overstressed, under-loved, distracted, fed-up and timed-out.  Fatigue.  Partly physical, mostly mental, considerably emotional, fatigue is a constellation of states that arrives on my doorstep from time to time.  Long days “leaning” into my work excessively, short nights with way too little sleep in them (and sex!), too few days running and swimming at dawn and keeping my yoga/meditation practice.  I know this state all too often, I willingly admit.  It is in this state that my mind works overtime, especially in the late night hours, imagining the worst, worrying and regretting unbounded.  This jumpy, distracted and not very effective thinking state has been called “monkey mind” and I appreciate the comparison.  I feel sometimes, when so stressed and tired,  like I’m at the mercy of a mind living apart from me, with the emotional maturity of a small monkey.  Darting to and from, swinging from thought to thought, instantly attending anything newly stimulating in sight or sound.  Our proudly over-caffeinated western culture rewards us for behaving like this.  Multi-tasking?  or ADHD?  For most of us, it’s easy to get caught up in daily activity “advancing the cause”, darting from place to place, never stopping our questing, sometimes leaving our souls desperate for solitude and peace.  A lifetime can pass this way, scarcely noticed.  Sabbatical is a word with deep meaning and reverence for me.  As a professional caregiver, I do my best to take extra measures of care, investing in the distance and solitude of natural environments that bring pause and rest.  Let me share with you my latest…

I recently travel alone to one of my favorite retreats in the North Florida woods.  The time away is priceless.   I look ahead and relish a few nights in a forest cabin way “off the grid”.  Imagine…deep beside the tranquil upper Suwanee River.  Cell phone service is nearly non-existent and there’s no TV.  Tallahassee is 80 miles distant.  The park is empty mid week, save for me.   Light pollution dissolves into the gentle hum of bullfrogs and crickets announcing the nightfall.  By midnight, all is silent, save for the rustle of distant critters making their way down ancient paths covered with fallen leaves toward water.  Dawn brings birdsong, echoing serenely across the tops of tall pines and grandfather oaks covered with draping Spanish Moss.  The savory aroma of incense wafts along the screen porch where I sit in quiet meditation…listening…aware…breathing…listening…breathing…aware…  By day, I walk the trails along the river until tired, and keep my hunger in check with simple light fare brought in with me.  A little reading softens the afternoon, and I lie quietly on the porch swing and listen to an entire Beethoven symphony.

I return deeply moved by my closeness to the woods.  I am patient and my optimism has returned to me .  I feel a profound sense of peace and ease and greet my work and my family with gladness.  I am home.

Namaste.

John

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