Pick up Wall Street Journal or Fortune, and one might imagine top executives with stratospheric earnings steely and ruthless, narcissistic and Machiavellian at heart. Hardly a fair portrayal. I know many executives who fit those traits, some who make a fortune, but I think it a mistake to universalize. This is more a modern myth inspired by the loudest, brashest icons in popular culture. The late (and amazing) Steve Jobs comes to mind. One might come away from reading Walter Isaacson’s very even-handed biography of Jobs wondering just how much more might have been possible without the insanity he inspired at companies under his watch. He created seeming miracles, but left a lot of pain and abusive relationships, writes Isaacson. Coaching executives, I see some unique individuals leading with a different kind of intelligence. A grounded, respectful approach borne of “presence”. With keen awareness of lifestyle as well as profits, many are deeply satisfied at both home and work. Do these things to become a “presence-centered”
1. Get Grounded. In Stephen Covey’s revered “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, he speaks of “sharpening the saw”. He categorizes opportunities to work on ourselves as: physical, spiritual, intellectual and social/emotional. He challenges us to create daily disciplines to bring out our very best and maximize the natural strengths we all possess. Strenuous physical exercise to the point of breathlessness is a daily must. Keeping our intelligence sharp with proper reading expands our minds. Nurturing spiritual practices of prayer, meditation or yoga can pay exponential dividends, especially in our capacity to manage stress, and particularly at home. Maintaining a supportive network of friends and colleagues can keep our emotional batteries charged. Sparring with a professional coach, especially over social/emotional matters can help us hone our very best expression of self.
2. Keep Agreements. The bedrock of high self esteem, or how good we feel about ourselves, is a relentless habit of following through. It is doing what we say we’re going to do, especially for ourselves. Set an alarm for 5? Get up and get going. Covey refers to this habit of never hitting the snooze alarm as our “first personal victory of the day.” Quitting alcohol? Do everything in your power to stay clear and sober, enlisting sober colleagues and even an executive coach experienced with dependency. Volunteering for a board seat? Dive in and get busy. Get your hands in it. Give yourself to it. Avoid apologizing for your absence. Following through on the hard things we set for ourselves makes us emotionally resilient and raises our feelings of good will toward ourselves and others. Meeting a challenge, especially one of high stakes with risk involved, keeps our spirits strong. This is especially important away from the office. Make a promise to be home for dinner? Keep it. Guard your promises to your family and friends with reverence. High earnings and a fat 401K won’t do us any good without someone to share it with. It’s great to be a master of the universe. Be a master of your own personal universe first.
3. Stay “current” in relationship. Being a “solo-trepeneur” can be exciting. Having a great idea and the drive to pull it off can be an amazing experience of validation. And sometimes our best efforts are completely alone, unfettered by the noisy environments of work groups. But we are at our core “pack animals” whose need for close support of others is a fundamental part of our best nature. We “fill our spiritual cups” with kinship and camaraderie. We needn’t always be alone in our endeavors. Nourish and attend these relationships, and finish “un-finished” business. Criticize a colleague unfairly in public? Apologize as soon as the dust settles, and make clear your resolve to self-monitor such destructive behaviors in the future. Argue with your spouse? Go back and talk it out when the high emotion has passed. Constant vigilance for breaches and an eagerness to repair them is a hallmark of long lasting relationships, at work and at home.
Our quest for a leadership style that is as nourishing for ourselves as it is helpful to others is never-ending. The famous psychologist Abraham Maslow, with his “hierarchy of needs”, admonished us to “self actualize” and be all we can be.
John