With recent news of states adopting an aggressive, liberal stance on the legalization of marijuana, many parents are uneasy and uncertain how to respond.  What do we tell our children?  Is it ok to smoke pot?  After all, there are a lot of people lately making the news, urging the “normalization” of cannabis possession and use.  “Medical marijuana” has  been around a long time and seems to be curative of a range of difficulties like chronic pain and chemotherapy induced nausea.   The question’s made more difficult for some of us aging boomers with children of adolescents because we smoked pot ourselves way “back in the day”.  Some of us even still drink occasionally.  Some kids think: “Dad, isn’t that pretty much the same thing?”   What would you tell your kid?

I get this question from anxious parents in my counseling practice.  It’s not funny to them.  Many are afraid what may follow if they take the liberal stance and fail to speak against it.  There’s a lot of peer pressure on kids these days, and even on their parents.  Is it the right thing to smoke pot?  Great topic.  Wrong question.

A better question is “Am I an effective parent if I take a laissez-faire approach to this subject”.  Probably not.  Substance use and abuse deserves our full attention as leaders of our families and it matters a ton what message our kids get from us about it.  A 2011 study at  Columbia University speaks of the telling implications of early use:

“When initiation of substance use occurs in preadolescence or early in adolescence, the risk of addiction is magnified.  The Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse’s analysis of national data finds that individuals who first used any addictive substance before age 15 are six and a half times as likely to have a substance use disorder as those who did not use any addictive substance until age 21 or older (28.1 percent vs. 4.3 percent).”

Substance use disorder is another phrase for “life defining addiction”.  This confirms what I see coming into counseling:  An early, permissive atmosphere in the home generally correlates strongly with confusion, disaffection, depression and myriad difficulties in emerging young adults.  Does “loser” have a better definition?

I try to make it simple in my work with kids and parents.  It’s about lifestyle and doing difficult things.  Pot can make us feel great, (“instant vacation!”) but also tends to be habit forming, and sap motivation, especially in the face of challenges like studying, preparing for college and tough intellectual pursuits like math and music.  A frequent question in my practice with kids is “What stands between you and greatness?”.  If you’re a really good parent, your kid’s answer won’t be “hanging out smoking pot with the bros”.

Our kids are going to try a lot of experiences that are dangerous, some that contain irrevocable consequences.  Well managed risk taking is a fine definition of “strong adult”.  Our task as parents is to keep our values clear and then gently broaden our permissions, as our kids not-so-gently push against those values and the rules created from them.  A colleague of mine likes to say that substance abuse, any substance,  is like a monkey on your back.  You’ve gotta know the monkey well and never kid yourself about your noisy companion.  As well, you better always be fighting him.  Tell your kids.

Irie,

John