My mother needed a lifeguard.  She was deeply depressed lifelong and the end of her life was hard.  Smoking.  COPD.  I stood by and watched her slip away, trying constantly to encourage her, even “save” her, I admit.  I once had her doing Yoga for a while.  She read some Dale Carnegie.  Returned to church.  She even quit smoking, eventually and tragically too late.

This morning, I’m more mindful of my sometimes tendency to “lifeguard” some of my clients.  Borne, in part, of the distorted dance with my mother I’ve often practiced my therapy as if there was something there I could “fix” if I could just get my clients to get out of the way! “Stupid “drowning swimmer!”  “John to the rescue!  There!….I caught you being blind!”  But then, just as frequently, I’m reminded of the grace and equanimity that prevails in that sacred space between myself and my clients when I sit back a little, meditate and listen carefully to their journey.  And their pain.  And their joys.  Along that path, I find diamonds as yet undiscovered by my clients that I offer back to them just slightly polished.  “You said something really interesting”  “Nice to see you smiling today”  “Your skin tone’s changed a bit.  You look a little less stressed”  “Your interpretation was so unique”  “I sometimes sense you’ve been making these changes for a while, even before we began our meetings”  This approach is the polar opposite of the trap-of-assumption that “my clients can’t win it without me”.  I sometimes equate this sense with Buddha nature, that in-borne awareness of and instinct toward enlightenment that all of us carry from birth: this birth and perhaps former ones.  Remembering that my clients possess this sacred gift is reassuring and liberating for me.  At our best, we can then “engage with detachment” and I can extend my trust that they’ll find their way, not the way.  I can reassure my clients without pressure and encourage them without agenda.  We can hang out.

If you’re a developing therapist and want to sharpen your practice “sense”, give me a call at 561-213-8030 or email me at [email protected].

John Davis, LMHC is a Florida Licensed therapist and a Qualified Supervisor in Florida.  He maintains a private practice in downtown Delray Beach, FL.