Trust Your Instincts

I’m struck by how often people ask me “how do I know I have the right therapist?”.  As a therapist, I provide a good sounding board for most folks.   I’ve responded with words like “fit”, “instinct”, “first impressions”, “gut check”.   These are all good ways to get a “sense” of whether the person we sit before can ultimately be a helpful coach for us.  Intuition is critical, especially when we’re depressed or overly anxious, and our thinking is not all that clear.

First Blush

Malcolm Gladwell, in his excellent book “Blink” refers to this process of initial personal appraisal as “psychological thin-slicing” and urges us to take our time trusting the initial “blast” of information that comes our way in the first milliseconds of a human encounter.  In his book, he goes on to recount one anecdote after another in which a person (or group) denied their initial instinct, even at times researching the matter at hand with great rigor and expense, only to find themselves face to face with their initial impression as true.  We “know” when we “know”.

Shop Around

So…when you need some counseling….narrow the list….grab a face to face appointment.  Think of it as “life research” and pay the fee gladly for the knowledge it will produce.  Sit down and talk.  Feel weird?  Keep moving!  Let no one tell you it’s your fault that you feel uncomfortable across a small room.  (Unless of course, you fear people generally and know this to be one of your clinical issues). Bottom line:  That old joke that in the psychotherapy business,” the customer is always wrong” makes light of our uncertainty at these critical moments.  Along with trust in our instincts, is, of course, the importance of looking into details.  Education (no less than a master’s degree from an accredited school) , training (especially post-master’s) and deep experience (specialty?) are important as well.  Do your homework.  Make sure the person you’ve found is licensed by your state, and overseen by a board of medical quality assurance.  Having found the right person, relax and enjoy the conversation.  It will change your life.